“Relationship is a delicate dance of give and take. Just like everything else; sowing and reaping, asking and receiving…”
A friend once used these words to describe relationship to me and they just stuck.
Relationships are all about give and take.
Couples are expected to put in effort to make their relationships work.
However, sometimes this delicate balance may tip too far in one direction, resulting in a one-sided relationship.
One partner seems to be picking up all the slack in the relationship, trying to ensure that the other partner doesn’t look bad.
This is what it means to overcompensate.
It is the tendency to pick up the slack every single time your partner drops the ball.
It’s not bad to support your partner but the problem with overcompensating is that it makes you work so hard to conceal the fact that there is a problem.
This can lead to burnout and resentment in the relationship.
A major complication of overcompensating is that many people don’t actually realize when they are overcompensating.
In this article, we will help you by exploring the signs of overcompensation in a relationship.
Let’s get started!
11 Signs You Are Overcompensating In Your Relationship
1. You do too much
The most common sign you are overcompensating in your relationship is the fact that you do too much in the relationship.
A relationship is at its best when couples put in the same amount of effort or almost the same amount of effort to keep the relationship moving.
That way, it’s not one-sided.
If you realize that you seem to be putting in most or all of the effort in the relationship, it is a sign that you are overcompensating in your relationship.
You come up with ideas to have fun while your partner just drags their feet or reluctantly joins you.
When conflicts occur, you always try to resolve them against all odds, even when your partner shows no inclination to do so.
Don’t get me wrong; it is okay to be the bigger person occasionally.
However, when it’s a regular occurrence, it is a sign that you are doing too much in the relationship.
The saddest thing about all this is that your partner may not realize how much you contribute to the relationship.
You are the king/queen of efforts, yet your efforts are not even noticed.
This can leave you feeling so frustrated and tired.
2. You allow your partner to boss you around
It’s sad, but I have seen many people act like robots in relationships.
It almost begins to give you the impression that they don’t have a mind of their own.
They do have a mind of theirs.
However, one effect of overcompensating in a relationship is that it causes one to do things that go against one’s better judgment.
The more you do these things, the more you erode your sense of self.
This is why your partner can boss you around.
They make you feel more like a domestic help than a romantic partner.
They control almost everything you do, and you let them do it because you want to cling so desperately to the relationship.
If you think this only occurs in romantic relationships, you need to look closely at some friendships.
Some friends usually overcompensate so much that they do things they won’t normally do to keep their friendships.
In my university class, we had this clique of girls with a reputation for being snobbish and mean.
A nice and friendly girl got assimilated into their clique, and in no time, they were compelling her to treat people like garbage.
She did this until she couldn’t.
Then she had to leave their clique.
If you have a friend or partner who bosses you around and makes you do things you’d rather not do, you need to realize that you are overcompensating in that relationship.
3. You are always the one to say “sorry”
A man once said, “In relationships, a man always has to apologize to his woman even when he is right.”
I took him up on it.
I disagreed with his establishing what was happening in his relationship as a general rule.
I also let him know that he was merely overcompensating because he was too attached to let go.
He grew angry and condescendingly said he didn’t expect me to understand since I was single then.
My point is that while it may sometimes be necessary to apologize when you are not wrong to avoid things getting out of hand when it becomes a regular occurrence, it is a sign that you are overcompensating in the relationship.
If you find yourself apologizing for things that aren’t your fault or constantly seeking to make peace, it is a sign that you are trying too hard to keep the relationship smooth.
In a healthy relationship, both partners are meant to take responsibility for their actions and admit their faults.
However, if you discover that you always take the blame for your partner, you are overcompensating in the relationship.
4. You want to fix your partner
In relationships, there is always room for growth and improvement.
Couples should actually motivate each other to become better versions of themselves.
However, this doesn’t mean that there is a complete change in your partner’s personality.
It just means that your partner is getting better at handling the negative aspects of his personality.
If you realize that you are expecting a magical turnaround in your partner’s personality, you may just be overcompensating in the relationship.
You keep trying to fix him, always complaining about one thing or the other and expecting change overnight.
Newsflash: if you are spending too much time trying to fix your partner rather than enjoying the relationship, it is not the relationship for you!
You will get even more frustrated as the days go by.
I used to have a girlfriend that didn’t like how playful I was.
She would say, “You need to be serious. At your age, you can’t be joking”.
Really, I tried to be serious like she asked, but I felt so stifled.
She wanted me to be someone I wasn’t.
People can be serious and still have a playful attitude.
I don’t need to be solemn all the time to convey my seriousness to anyone.
She tried fixing me even when I wasn’t broken, and I finally got the drift.
I wasn’t the person for her, but she wanted to make things work at all costs rather than find the right person.
Perpetual dissatisfaction and a fixer’s mentality are both definitive signs you are overcompensating in a relationship.
5. Insecurity about body image
Do you feel insecure about your body or appearance?
Do you feel your partner won’t want to be with you, so you have to look and act a certain way to guarantee their love?
I read a confession thread on Instagram of ladies mentioning the craziest things they had done to keep a relationship.
And some of them were truly insane.
From undergoing a BBL procedure to basically starving to slim down, these ladies went to great lengths to keep their relationships.
One thing was constant for all of them, though…
They all ended up losing their relationship.
If you feel you have to overdress or use excessive makeup to maintain your relationship, it is a sign that you are overcompensating.
You are simply doing too much, my dear!
6. You are defensive
Basically, you don’t need to justify your relationship to anyone…
Not even your parents.
They can advise you, but the choice is yours.
It’s no one’s business if your relationship is working or not.
However, there is something you need to consider.
If you realize that you are defensive every time you have to talk about your relationship, then there is a problem somewhere.
Your family and friends may sometimes share their observations about your relationship with you.
If you are always defensive when you have to talk about your relationship, it is a sign that you are overcompensating in your relationship.
You find yourself constantly making excuses for your partner’s bad behavior.
“He is not always like this.”
“He has never hit me before. His boss made him angry today”.
“She isn’t normally this rude. She must be having period cramps”.
If you always have to make excuses for your partner’s terrible behavior, you are overcompensating.
7. You are in denial
Have you ever felt you would be better off single than in your present relationship?
What did you do when you felt that way?
Did you talk things out with your partner, or did you just banish the thought from your mind and pretend that all is well?
One of the signs that you are overcompensating in a relationship is that you stop talking about problems.
You prefer to sweep issues under the rug and pretend everything is okay.
You feel like this is easier than the alternative of addressing tough issues.
You are in denial about your true feelings because you don’t want to do anything that will rock the boat.
Look, the moment you start feeling you can’t communicate with your partner because you are afraid of losing the relationship is the moment you begin overcompensating in the relationship.
Because from that point forward, everything you do will be geared towards not losing the relationship.
8. You are in constant fear of a breakup
Relationships are different, but one thing is certain…
In a successful and healthy relationship, the fear of a breakup is literally non-existent.
If you can’t shake off that fear of an imminent breakup, it is a sign that something is wrong.
So, check the things you do in the relationship.
Do you seem to tiptoe around your partner just because you don’t want to do anything that could cause a breakup?
Are you changing how you act around your partner to prevent your fears from manifesting?
If the answer is yes, then the truth is you are overcompensating in your relationship.
Nobody loves to go through breakups.
However, fear of breakups shouldn’t make you lose yourself in the relationship.
You shouldn’t have to be afraid to be yourself because you are afraid your partner may leave you.
If you are constantly terrified of breakups, it is a sign that you are overcompensating in your relationship.
9. You are frustrated and overwhelmed
Overcompensating can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion.
I mean, you are doing the work of two people simultaneously.
How won’t you be overwhelmed?
If you feel drained or resentful toward your partner, it might be a sign that you’re giving too much and they’re giving too little.
When your partner contributes the barest minimum to the relationship and you still hang on to it, you will experience frustration because your needs and expectations are not being met.
10. You always prioritize your partner’s needs over yours
I know I have said that relationship is not for selfish people.
However, this doesn’t mean that you should always relegate your needs and prioritize your partner’s needs.
If you constantly prioritize your partner’s needs over your own, it might be a sign of overcompensation.
While it’s natural to care for your partner, neglecting your own needs can lead to feelings of neglect and dissatisfaction.
You must remember that a healthy relationship requires both partners to feel valued and heard.
11. The relationship has no future
I have seen ladies have to call their boyfriends and ask where the relationship is headed…
It seems so weird to me.
If you have to ask your partner where the relationship is headed, it is probably going nowhere.
In a relationship between committed partners, discussing the relationship’s future is natural.
You don’t need to call a conference meeting to do that.
If you have to ask your partner repeatedly about their future plans for the relationship, it is a sign that you may be overcompensating.
If you critically examine your relationship in a bid to be honest with yourself, do you see a future for it?
If you don’t, it is a sign that you are overcompensating in a relationship with someone who checked out a long time ago.
If you have noticed these signs in your relationship, your first instinct may be to run or leave.
Well, you don’t need to rush into that decision.
The dynamics of your relationship can still be changed…
Follow as I run through some tips that will help you with that.
The first thing to do is to have an honest conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling.
During this conversation, you will listen to their needs as well.
Then, striving for a balanced relationship where both of you are fully committed is important.
It is also important that you prioritize your self-care.
Don’t be so selfless to the point that you destroy yourself to satisfy a selfish partner.
You may also consider seeking help from a therapist to explore underlying issues and develop a healthier relationship.
If all of these don’t work, then, of course, you could exit the relationship.
You deserve a loving partner who is equally invested in the relationship.
