I have been a relationship therapist for over two decades. The most heart-wrenching stories are those where one partner gives their all and continues to give until their so-called other half abandons them for someone else. Unfortunately, most of the victims in these situations are women.
As much as romance and love are considered ideal, in this day and age, it is important to know your worth. Many women are so desperate to enter relationships that they end up with parasites—men who keep taking and do not reciprocate the energy. Men who claim to love, yet their actions show the exact opposite.
For a woman who desires a life partner who will truly love her, it is crucial to recognize the things men do when they don’t love you because among the good eggs, there are also bad ones. In this blog post, I will be highlighting the top signs of men who do not love you and what they are likely to do.
12 Things Men Do When They Don’t Actually Love You
These things that men do when they don’t love you will help you avoid men who want to take advantage of you and lead a drama-free life.
1. Avoids Meaningful Communication
One of the things men do when they don’t love you includes avoiding meaningful communication. Constant communication is the process of opening up. Communication is the backbone of any strong relationship.
When a man truly loves you, he’ll want to talk about EVERYTHING. From silly and mundane topics to deeper, heartfelt, more vulnerable matters. If he constantly avoids discussing emotions, relationship issues, or plans, it is one of the signs that he doesn’t love you.
For instance, when you bring up something that’s bothering you, if he brushes it off with, “Let’s not get into this right now,” or even ignores you completely, these are signs that he’s not prioritizing the emotional connection necessary for a healthy and long-lasting relationship with you.
A man who loves you will take the time to listen, understand, and engage in meaningful conversations with you. If he truly loves you, he will not just make you his emotional dumping ground, he will listen to your needs and your concerns. Without the foundation of communication, your relationship is one-sided and at best, shallow.
2. Shows Little To No Interest In Your Life
When considering how to know when he doesn’t love you, one of the key signs is his lack of interest in your life.
Imagine you meet your partner, maybe at his place or yours. You both greet each other and as you try to tell him about your day, he busies himself with getting you into bed with him. After s#x, you try to talk about your day but he has slept off. Imagine he does this consistently, how would you feel? You would feel used.
A loving partner is curious about your world. He wants to know about your dreams, passions, and even the mundane details of your day. If he rarely asks about your life or seems indifferent when you share, it’s a sign he doesn’t love you as much as he claims.
For example, imagine you’re excited to tell him about an achievement, and his response is a distracted, “That’s nice,” before changing the subject. Or maybe he never asks about your goals or how you’re feeling. A man like this is there just for what he can get from you and it’s important you can distinguish this.
3. Makes Excuses To Avoid Spending Time Together
It’s one thing to be busy, and it’s another to be consistently busy to the point where your man never has time for you. He consistently makes excuses to avoid spending time with you, frequently canceling plans due to work or errands while making time for other activities or people. While everyone needs personal space, a consistent pattern of avoiding time together can be a sign of emotional disinterest.
This is a red flag you should pay attention to. A man who truly loves you will want to spend quality time with you, even when life gets busy. On the other hand, when a man doesn’t love you, he often makes constant excuses to avoid being together.
Love is shown through actions, and a man who loves you will make an effort to include you in his schedule. If his excuses always come first, it’s worth questioning whether he’s as invested in the relationship as you are.
4. Keeps The Relationship Secret
A client I once counseled on this issue was heartbroken by her ex. How do you keep a relationship of five years a secret? This was her story. He would be intense and clingy in private, but once they stepped out, he would become distant. It was difficult for her until she eventually accepted not going out.
Imagine her surprise when she found out he was getting married two days after they had a fight. A man who loves you might not necessarily broadcast it at first, but once he becomes sure of his feelings for you, he might even rent out a billboard in Times Square just to proclaim his love—and it doesn’t take long for him to be sure. We are territorial creatures, and when we like something, we tend to want to protect it.
A man who genuinely loves you will be proud to share his relationship with the people who matter most to him. He’ll want to bring you into his world, whether that means introducing you to his family, including you in his social circles, or openly sharing your relationship milestones.
If he keeps your relationship a secret, refuses to introduce you to his friends, evades questions about you, or keeps you off his social media, it could signal that he’s unsure about you or not serious about the relationship.
And don’t trust the “I’m a private person” excuse. Private people might not post on social media, but they certainly make time for the friends and family who know them. For instance, he might say, “I don’t like posting personal stuff online,” while being open about other aspects of his life.
If you’re noticing behaviors that suggest he doesn’t actually love you, this secrecy might be one of the signs that you should rethink the relationship.
5. Consistently Prioritizes Others Over You
Love is about balance, and a man who loves you will ensure that you feel like an essential part of his life.
If he consistently prioritizes others—such as friends, family, or even hobbies—over you, it can leave you feeling like an afterthought. Men who don’t love a woman often demonstrate this by consistently making others their priority.
For example, does he frequently bail on your plans to spend time with friends? Or perhaps he neglects important milestones like anniversaries while prioritizing other commitments. These actions reflect where you stand in his life.
If his actions consistently make you feel undervalued, it’s time to reassess the relationship you may have thought was forever.
6. Dismisses Your Feelings Or Concerns
A loving relationship is built on empathy and emotional support. When you express your feelings or concerns, a man who truly loves you will validate them, no matter how small or big they might seem. However, if he dismisses your feelings or makes you feel like you’re overreacting, it’s a clear red flag.
This might show offhandedly in statements like, “You’re being too sensitive,” or “That’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it.” If every time you bring up something important to you, he belittles or ignores it, it indicates that he’s not emotionally invested in the relationship.
The problem is not that these men don’t show these attitudes, the problem is that lots of women are so blinded by love that they don’t spot and see these things for what it is.
Don’t ever forget that, a man who loves you will listen to your concerns, empathize with your emotions, and work with you to solve problems, rather than brushing them aside.
7. Rarely Shows Affection Or Physical Intimacy
There are many reasons why a man might be with you. He might be with you because you are available, because you are great at cleaning and he needs a cook, because you are generous with money, or because he needs someone to warm him up. If he is with you for material things that you can offer, one of the signs that he doesn’t love you could be a lack of physical affection.
Physical and emotional affection are important aspects of a loving relationship. These gestures can be as simple as holding hands, giving a warm hug, or leaning in for a spontaneous kiss. If your partner constantly avoids physical intimacy or fails to show affection, it might be a sign that he isn’t truly committed to you.
8. Criticizes Or Belittles You Frequently
Constant criticism is one of the toxic signs to consider when identifying things men do when they don’t love a woman. Constructive feedback can help a woman grow, but constant criticism or belittlement is harmful. A man who loves you will encourage and uplift you, not tear you down.
He may make backhanded compliments or comments about your appearance, intelligence, or choices. For example, he might say things like, “You’d look better if you lost some weight,” or “You’re not as smart as you think you are.” These types of remarks aren’t harmless jokes; they are indicators of deeper disrespect that he is trying to mask.
Always keep in mind that love is built on mutual admiration and respect. A man who loves you will celebrate who you are and encourage your growth, not tear you down.
9. Refuses To Plan A Future Together
When a man is truly in love, he’ll include you in his long-term plans. Whether it’s discussing future vacations, life goals, or where you might live together someday, these conversations show his commitment.
Men are scared of commitment but when they find the person they love, they are more than ready to embrace commitment. If he avoids these topics or dismisses talks of the future, this is an indication that he doesn’t see the relationship as permanent.
When you love someone, you have a shared vision, and a man who loves you will want you to be part of his future. If future planning is constantly off the table, it’s time to consider whether he’s as invested as you are.
10. Displays Controlling Or Manipulative Behavior
Love is about trust, respect, and freedom—not control. If a man tries to manipulate or control your choices, it’s a sign that his love may not be genuine.
I understand that there are possessive men, and it can seem cute at times. However, there is a clear boundary between a man who is possessive and one who wants to manipulate you.
This could manifest as jealousy or controlling how you dress, who you spend time with, or even what you post on social media. While he may claim these actions come from a place of care, they are more about power and insecurity than love. More often than not, possessive men may not hinder you from expressing yourself, building yourself, or deny you opportunities.
One of the signs that a man doesn’t truly love you is controlling behavior. A man who truly loves you will trust you and encourage your independence, not try to restrict or manipulate you.
11. Lies Or Hide Things From You
Honesty is the cornerstone of love and trust. When a man lies or hides significant details about his life, it damages the foundation of your relationship. A man who deflects or hides is a ticking time b#mb.
Whether it’s small lies about where he’s been or bigger secrets, like financial troubles or past relationships, dishonesty creates a barrier between you.
If you find yourself constantly questioning his words or doubting his intentions, it’s a clear sign that trust has become scarce in your relationship.
A man who loves you will be open and transparent, even when the truth is difficult. Without honesty, it’s impossible to build a healthy, loving connection—and maybe he doesn’t want that with you.
12. Makes You Feel Like An Option, Not A Priority
Things men do when they don’t love you often involve making you feel like an afterthought. He goes out and hangs out with his friends, he didn’t invite you, even though his friends’ women were going to be there. He makes plans for vacations, and it’s only because you asked that he is now making plans for you.
Love makes you feel valued and special. If your partner’s actions consistently leave you feeling like an afterthought, it’s a sign that his heart may not be fully in the relationship.
This might look like only hearing from him when it’s convenient for him, canceling plans last minute, or treating you as a backup option rather than a priority. Over time, this will make you feel unimportant and undervalued.
A man who truly loves you will make you feel like the most important person in his life. He will prioritize your relationship and ensure that his actions align with his words.
Things Men Do When They Don’t Actually Love You — Recap
When a man exhibits behaviors that don’t align with his love for you, consistently, it’s a clear indicator that he doesn’t truly love you. Recognizing these signs is not always difficult except when you are blinded by love. However, a sure marker is being brutal with your feelings. A simple question, HOW HAS THIS MAN MADE ME FEEL? This will help you take off the veil and see things as they are.
Don’t ever forget that you deserve to be loved fully and completely by someone who values and prioritizes you. If you notice any of these things men do when they don’t love you, it’s time to consider whether you’re in a relationship that truly honors your worth.
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