In relationships, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and emotions, but sometimes it’s important to step back and ask yourself if your partner truly has your best interests at heart. Unfortunately, there are people who might not be as genuine as they seem, and they may be using you for their own personal gain. Whether it’s for emotional validation, financial support, or to fulfill their own needs, a person who uses you for their benefit without regard for your feelings can leave you feeling drained, undervalued, and confused.
Here are 5 signs he’s using you for his own gain, so you can identify unhealthy patterns and make informed decisions about your relationship.
1. He Only Reaches Out When He Needs Something
One of the clearest signs that someone is using you is when their contact is solely based on their needs. If your partner only calls, texts, or shows up when they want something—whether it’s financial help, emotional support, or a favor—you might be in a one-sided relationship. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and care, not just on transactional exchanges.
If you’re constantly the one offering support or making sacrifices without getting anything in return, it’s a sign that your partner is using you. Real love and partnership should involve a balance where both parties give and receive. If this balance is skewed and you feel like you’re being taken for granted, it’s important to reassess what you’re getting out of the relationship.
2. He Makes You Feel Guilty for Setting Boundaries
Everyone deserves to have healthy boundaries, and anyone who truly cares about you will respect them. However, if you’ve noticed that your partner gets defensive, angry, or manipulative whenever you try to set a boundary, it could be a red flag. People who use others often don’t want to be told “no,” because they rely on you to fulfill their needs.
For instance, if you refuse to lend him money, spend time with him when you’re feeling exhausted, or say no to plans that don’t align with your values, and he reacts by making you feel guilty, like you’re being selfish or unreasonable, that’s a form of manipulation. This behavior shows that he’s not prioritizing your well-being or respecting your needs—he’s more concerned with how he can continue to benefit from you.
3. He Prioritizes His Own Needs Over Yours
A partner who is using you for their own gain will typically only focus on their own needs, often disregarding yours. In a healthy relationship, both individuals are equally invested in each other’s happiness and well-being. If your partner constantly puts his desires, goals, or wants above yours and dismisses your feelings, it’s a strong indication that he’s more interested in what you can do for him than in building a fulfilling partnership.
For example, if you’re always the one compromising to make him happy—whether it’s adjusting your plans, sacrificing your time, or ignoring your needs—and he rarely, if ever, reciprocates, then you’re likely dealing with a selfish partner. Genuine love means supporting each other and working together for mutual fulfillment, not just for personal gain.
4. He Avoids Serious Conversations About the Future
When someone is using you, they often avoid having serious conversations about the future, particularly in terms of commitment or long-term goals. If he consistently dodges discussions about your future together, whether it’s moving in together, marriage, or long-term plans, it’s a red flag. People who are truly interested in building a future with you will want to engage in these discussions and understand where you both stand.
On the other hand, if he keeps the relationship in a state of limbo, making vague promises but never actually progressing or showing genuine interest in making a lasting commitment, this could mean he’s only in it for what he can get in the moment. He may not want to tie himself down or be accountable, preferring instead to keep you as a source of emotional or physical gratification.
5. He Shows Little to No Emotional Investment
In a healthy relationship, both partners show interest in each other’s emotional world. They care about how each other feels, what’s going on in each other’s lives, and they invest emotionally. If your partner shows little to no emotional investment—he doesn’t ask about your day, avoid’s meaningful conversations, or ignores your emotional needs—he might only be involved in the relationship for his personal gain.
Using someone emotionally is a common tactic for people who don’t have your best interests at heart. This might look like him keeping things superficial, avoiding your emotional needs, or only engaging when it’s convenient for him. If you’re always the one doing the emotional work in the relationship, while he stays emotionally distant, it’s a sign that he’s not invested in your happiness.
What to Do If You Recognize These Signs
If you notice these signs in your relationship, it’s important to take action to protect yourself. Here are some steps to consider:
- Set Boundaries: Don’t be afraid to establish boundaries that prioritize your needs and feelings. If your partner reacts negatively, that’s a sign that he might be using you.
- Communicate Clearly: Have an honest conversation with him about your concerns. See if he is willing to listen, take responsibility, and make changes. If not, it might be time to reassess your relationship.
- Seek Support: If you’re feeling unsure or confused, reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate the situation.
- Know When to Walk Away: If after all your efforts, he continues to use you for his gain, it may be time to walk away from the relationship. Your emotional well-being is too important to be compromised by someone who isn’t treating you with the respect and care you deserve.
In the end, you deserve a relationship where both partners genuinely care for each other and work together to support each other’s growth. If your partner isn’t willing to reciprocate that investment, it’s important to recognize that you deserve better and take the necessary steps to protect your heart and your future.
