“I once had a thousand desires. But in my one desire to know you, all else melted away.”
–Rumi
Rita, a massage therapist from San Diego, was freshly getting over a breakup when she met Henry.
Her ex had devastated her by walking out suddenly after five years of being together.
She finally felt ready to start over with a new guy.
She had only been seeing Henry for several months, but she knew he was different from the other guys she had met during the short time she had been single.
Several dates later, everything was going great between them…
…until, well… they weren’t.
At first Henry was super affectionate and constantly updating Rita with what he was up to. If he wasn’t sending her funny messages throughout the day, he would fire off a quirky picture with a silly caption.
Then, their communication slowed down to the point Rita had to double text him a few times before he’d toss out even a half-hearted reply.
She felt humiliated when she practically had to beg him to make plans with her before they could go out again.
Henry’s behavior left Rita scratching her head in sadness and confusion. Her old fears of abandonment started to bubble to the surface, making her feel even more hurt and insecure.
She thought to herself:
“Who is this new, boring guy texting me lukewarm ‘ok’s’…and what has he done with THE REAL Henry?”
It might seem pretty ironic that someone who has a job like Rita’s would have a hard time keeping a guy’s interest, isn’t it?
All kidding aside, there are some things a woman can do to make sure her guy doesn’t ever get bored or think about leaving her.
Most women think that he needs to feel a certain way about her and the relationship all the time, like being head over heels IN LOVE 24/7.
The truth is that romantic love naturally ebbs and flows over time.
Emotions (and people) evolve in all relationships, and it’s not about constantly being in a lovestruck, puppy-dog smitten state endlessly for years and years.
Those rose-colored glasses will come off at some point, and a deeper, more mature kind of love will blossom in it’s place.
You can help that natural process move along and keep him interested in the process if you give him the signs that you’re a good, solid partner.
And that starts with creating a stable, grounded relationship that can get through the roughest patches and stay generally positive throughout.
If this climate exists between you two, he’ll stick around no matter how long (or short) you’ve been together.
You just need to cultivate the right habits to keep him interested:
1. Make him work for it
The hottest relationships are all about push and pull.
This is a dynamic where a person pushes their partner into making them feel attractive, desired and the most amazing person they’ve met.
Then, the person originally doing the pushing withdraws a bit – or pulls away and reverses roles with their partner.
This way, the hunter becomes the hunted.
Then… lather, rinse, repeat.
Sometimes, you might push so hard for attention that your guy feels smothered.
…Or he might give up and lose interest if you play “hard to get” too much.
So, push and pull is a delicate balance to achieve. But when it’s done right, it’s tons of FUN and keeps the polarity and spark alive.
Here are a few ways to create this dynamic:
- Don’t be available ALL the time. Keep your schedule balanced and keep doing all the stuff that keeps you happy, fulfilled, refreshed and revitalized.
- Have a hobby or passion that doesn’t necessarily pay the bills, but makes you, YOU.
Men are interested in a passionate woman who makes it a point to keep her life interesting to her.
This works great because it gives you an additional sense of purpose while effortlessly impressing your guy in the process.
Let your guy do his own thing also.
If he says he’s going fishing with the guys or anything else that involves hanging out with them, LET HIM. This sounds like common sense…that is, until the neediness monster takes over.
Don’t drop by with a pizza to “see how he’s doing”, or bombard him with a bunch of texts asking him to check in with you.
All guys in a relationship need to feel free – within a reasonable level, of course.
Introduce a little tension. Tease him a bit and be playful. Bust his chops every now and then and give him a hard time like his pals do.
In some ways, he’s still that kid at the playground trying to catch a girl’s attention by poking fun at her and launching spitballs or whatever.
Flirting with your guy flips the script, keeps him on his toes and hot on your trail.
2. Stay supportive and be his number one fan
If you want your man to stay interested in you, take the initiative by setting the bar higher.
Show him the same caring behavior you’d like to see from him. Having his back is a good way to do that.
A guy needs to know that you appreciate and cherish who he is now, and who he’s capable of being in the future. This makes him feel accepted and secure in the knowledge that you’re rooting for him.
Supporting him this way means he doesn’t have to hold back any part of himself because he has no reason to. He knows he can be himself, including being vulnerable around you.
When he can let his guard down with you, it’s a huge sign of TRUST, which is the building block of any successful relationship.
3. Build rapport and connection with him
A guy is more likely to stay interested when his woman knows how to make him feel connected to her.
You can do this by having a good understanding of his world. There are a lot of things that occupy his thoughts and make up who he is.
The more you’re aware of what makes him tick, the more he’ll know that you care about him as a whole person.
Sad to say, but a lot of men bail because they feel their partner is more concerned about having a guy fill the relationship role in her life, rather than seeing him as a whole person.
Try to familiarize yourself with the following:
- Who’s the person most likely giving him a hard time at work?
- Who were his childhood heroes?
- Who are his closest friends?
- What keeps him up at night?
- What is his greatest fear and biggest ambition?
- What hasn’t he accomplished yet that he wants to do in the next five years?
- If money was no object, what would be the perfect job for him?
4. Make it completely OK for him to disagree with you
Often a guy is afraid that he can’t be honest about his thoughts or opinions with his girl.
He’s worried she’s going to freak out or get into a screaming argument with him about it (most of the time in that order).
Worse, a lot of men have been burned by past partners who told them it was ok to be honest… but proceeded with creating a huge blowup.
To a guy, it’s like asking him to walk through a door…
…with Jason from Friday the 13th waiting with a chainsaw on the other side.
Admittedly, it takes a certain level of maturity to get to a place where you can accept your differences without attacking each other.
To be perfectly honest, guys are also guilty of this, too. But not feeling safe to not share your opinions is a particularly sore spot with men.
This means if you’re able to handle his real opinions and not get angry with him, he’ll feel that much more more safe around you which will make him more likely to open up and stay connected to you.
5. Tune into his needs
“Wait a minute,” you might say. “What about MY needs? Do you expect me to live to please him? Isn’t that one-sided??”
Listen, I get it. No one in their right mind would expect to do ALL the work while the other person sits back and does nothing.
If your guy is self-centered and makes the relationship all about him, you shouldn’t waste your time on that kind of man.
Fair enough, right?
But if you’re with a good guy (and I’m guessing that he is), your happiness is HIGH on his priority list. It’s in every decent guy’s DNA to make sure his woman is happy.
And, going back to what I said before about setting the bar higher, a man also loves a woman who can meet him halfway by anticipating his needs.
As you build on the habit of getting to know him better, use that knowledge to give him what he needs.
When you have a good grasp of what he likes and doesn’t like, it’s easy to do little things that make him feel special and valued.
Stuff like his favorite movies, top food choices, interests and hobbies will give you a good idea of the things you can do for him.
The more personalized your acts of kindness are, the bigger effect they’ll have on your man.
Discover why men pull away – and make sure he’ll NEVER leave you…
6. Don’t neglect yourself
I said earlier that you shouldn’t let your passions, social life and career slide because they make you the woman he loves.
The other side of that coin is taking care of yourself on a more basic level— mainly your looks, health and well-being.
Now, I’m definitely NOT saying he shouldn’t do the same…
…I just mean that you should do your part to take care of yourself no matter what.
It’s his problem if he’s not meeting you halfway.
But here’s the thing: men are NOT after perfection or supermodel-like features in their long-term partner.
Deep inside, they know that only gets your foot in the door.
In the bigger scheme of things, he just wants to know you’re still making an EFFORT to take care of yourself.
That’s it.
He just needs to know you care about looking good around him, and caring about yourself in general.
This means staying on top of the big three: your fitness, health and fashion.
And.. it might help to look at it this way: unless you’re seriously unhappy or things are going pretty badly in your life, it feels better to take good care of yourself whether you’re single or coupled up.
That’s why it’s better to make sure you keep taking excellent care of yourself and keep him on his toes in the process.
7. Keep him busy in the bedroom
Of course I’m going to talk about the bedroom. I might sound a little harsh about this, but the sexual component is a non-negotiable in your relationship.
Otherwise, you might end up with a good friend instead of a romantic partner.
So, go out of your way to make him feel like he’s the hottest guy you’ve met.
He knows full well that he’s no Brad Pitt (but good on you if he does look like him), but it still matters to him that you DESIRE him that way.
Men want to be WANTED, just like you do. And when you only have eyes for each other— he won’t even want to look elsewhere.
For starters, don’t be afraid to touch him even when you’re not doing the deed. Hold his hand in public, touch his arm often and give him a kiss before parting ways.
As for the main event, communicate your desires to him when you’re in the heat of the moment. Tell him when he’s doing it right, get a bit vocal and compliment him on his masculinity.
As far as the bigger picture’s concerned, guys aren’t after the perfect partner or relationship.
They are more interested in someone who’s just as interested as they are – and more importantly, reassures them that they’re committing to the RIGHT girl.
Once your guy knows he’s making the right choice by being with you, you won’t have to worry about where you stand with him.
But if you’re doing everything possible to keep your man interested and it STILL seems like he’s slipping away, you shouldn’t blame yourself.
Every guy is different, and he has his reasons for withdrawing that have nothing to do with you.
If you want to know the REAL reasons why men pull away– and how to STOP your guy from leaving…
…you need to watch my presentation that explains it ALL here.
Click here to find out how to stop him from pulling away.
