Hi, I’m Nadine Piat from Healthy You Healthy Love. Today, I’m going to discuss what to do when he comes back after ghosting.
It happens.
In fact, all humans pull away from relationships from time to time which means at some stage of dating, there is a very, very good chance that the guy you care for will withdraw from you for few days or even longer.
Unfortunately, sometimes men vanish altogether.
When he disappears for no apparent reason, it can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you and you’re left in a state of real confusion and it even hurt.
Then, all of the sudden, he comes back with no explanation like it’s normal to give someone a lot of attention, then disappear and miraculously reappear later on.
If a man has pulled away and come back later or it’s happened to you in the past, you’ll know it’s not a nice place to be.
But before I tell you what to do when a man comes back after pulling away, I’m going to share my very own story so you’ll know exactly what to do when a man ghosts you.
I remember the first time this happened to me.
I was in my early 20’s and I felt like I was dying a slow death.
One minute I was flying high in a cloud of romance and then boom!
He disappeared.
Because I was quite young and had minimal dating experience, I really didn’t understand why he pulled away.
At first, I was perplexed wondering what the heck had happened. I thought I’ve done something wrong or that he just didn’t like me anymore.
Then I thought that maybe he’d had a terrible accident or maybe he met someone else.
Then I’d go back to speculating if I did or said something to scare him away.
When a man disappears the cycle of bewilderment and rejection goes on until you make peace with it and finally sleep again without thinking about them.
I’m sure you know this feeling. It’s dreadful.
Around about the time I was finally over that guy and ready to meet someone else, guess what happened?
Yup.
He contacted me about four weeks later to say,
“Hi! What are you up to?”
Are you kidding me?
I had JUST clawed my way out of my hole of premature attachment and fantasyland.
Instead of looking at the situation more holistically, I took his crumbs and went back for more of nothing.
Because of my naivety, I allowed the cycle of nothing to continue until I was beyond emotionally exhausted and finally wise enough to say no to bread crumb dating and ready to say yes to partnership and true commitment.
The thing is, I allowed this cycle to happen.
When he came back, I didn’t ask him what had happened. I tried to be the cool chick and decided to go with the flow.
At the time, I didn’t realize that, firstly, I was rewarding his bad behavior with the gift of me which gave him the green light to continue as he had done.
Secondly, I didn’t really know that there were ways to communicate with him to experience the kind of connection I actually wanted.
Even though this relationship was heart-wrenching, there was a beautiful outcome because it taught me about true partnership.
I learned that a painful, one-sided relationship really isn’t a relationship.
It’s more like a prison of pain that’s self-inflicted.
Once I realized I was far, far better off single than with someone who is not kind or loving towards me, I became empowered and ultimately more attractive to men.
I was able to communicate openly and respectfully to a man what was important to me in a way that was honorable and self-loving not fear-based, desperate or demanding.
Then, guess what happened?
The man who didn’t want what I wanted fell away which is fabulous.
Trust me, it’s a very good thing.
The one who truly likes me and could actually do partnership levitated to meet me where I was at.
This is what I want for you.
Before I continue, it’s imperative for you to know that what I just shared is the most critical part of this entire piece.
You are far better off single than with someone who’s not kind and loving towards you.
Once you honor and treat yourself with love, you WILL get the love you want.
That is IT.
As I’ve said before, the man you currently like or think you need is not your priority.
Focus only on the kind of relationship you deeply want and deserve.
What’s imperative to remember when he vanishes is you don’t want to be dramatic and make up stories in your mind about why he pulled away.
When a man pulls away you need to remain calm, confident in who you are and clear about what you want in a partnership.
As I said before, the only thing that matters is what you value and if both of your values can be met.
When I created my program Unlock His Heart, I run a survey and asked men why they pull away from women.
65% of the time the reason why he pulled away had nothing to do with the woman.
Men pull away because of other things going on in their life.
When a man pulls away you have to assume that there was a very good chance it’s not about you.
And even if the reason he pulled away IS about you, assume that it’s really not because this will make it easier to communicate with him from a place of self-love and honor.
This kind of communication is always received more favorably.
I’m about to share is what to say when a man comes back that will make you stand out from other women and inspire him to see you as a woman who loves and values herself.
A man who wants to keep his head in the sand really only wants a doormat type of woman will run away. You actually want the time wasters to run.
Be grateful for it rather than making up a story about what it means about you.
What it does mean is that you’re not going to do what I did when I was younger with Mr. Wrong.
1. Don’t jump on him straight away
I mean this verbally, not physically.
When a vanisher comes back, don’t pounce on him by telling him how bad his behavior is.
If he texts after pulling away, see what he has to say for a few texts. You can ask him what happened after the convo has warmed up a little.
If he calls after pulling away, the same applies.
Let him ask you some questions, have a little light conversation and then share your thoughts with him. My next point will explain this further.
Always remember, you catch more flies with honey.
No shaming, blaming or tantrums.
Instead, find out why he disappeared or pulled away from a place of wonder. This will make you come across as graceful and empowered and highly attractive.
Bottom line, avoid that primal urge to send him on a guilt trip without knowing why he pulled away.
2. The right time to confront him about pulling away
The perfect time to say something about how he ghosted you is when he asks you out again.
If he suggests to meet up after pulling away, this is the time when you share what’s important to you and I’ll tell you what to say in the next point.
If he just keeps texting and doesn’t ask you out, you can either just keep going along with it because he’s clearly become a pen pal or you can let him go.
3. What exactly should you say when he comes back from ghosting?
When he comes back after ghosting and has asked you out, you can say,
“I really love to see you again. I had such a great time with you when we last met up. At the same time, to be honest, I’m a bit confused. I didn’t hear from you for a long time and I really value transparency. I’m into building a kind and mindful connection. It’s confusing when someone disappears and reappears. I’d love to know what’s been going on for you.”
As a result of this response, a few things will happen.
Men who are generally good in a relationship will get it instantly and 100% appreciate where you’re coming from.
This kind of man will value you more because you know how to honor your values.
A man who really does want a relationship and is ready will absolutely amend this and pretty much never ghost you again.
There will be some men who will agree with you, appreciate your question and feelings and then keep doing the same thing or disappear again.
There will be men who think you’re being difficult. They will make you feel needy for asking to be treated with respect and honor.
Either way, they are not a match.
A kind and honorable man will realize the impact of his actions and fix it or let you know what’s going on for him and then you can assess if you’re ready to play or abort.
Bottom line, let go of a man who cannot honor the most basic level of dating and relating mindfulness.
If his response is something you can work with, then my next point is super important.
4. When should you accept the next date?
You see him when it suits you. Do not change your plans for him.
Remember, when he comes back after ghosting, he’s just been resurrected from the dead.
Seeing your friends, walking your dog and quite frankly, filing your nails are far more important right now.
Basically, let him know when you’re free.
Do not just be free when it suits him. Live your big, full life and fit him in when you’re ready.
Be careful to not push this too far which leads to my last point.
5. Do not badger him
When you see him, do not bring up the topic of why he disappeared or why he pulled away again.
If he brings it up to apologize, that is absolutely fine, though don’t dwell on it if he does.
Appreciate his apology and change the subject. Focus on having a good time and enjoying his company.
At this stage, he’s still a stranger.
So take the time to get to know him and see if he’s a man of substance rather than empty promises. That’s it.
Now you know precisely what to say when a man comes back after disappearing.
Promise me that you’ll honor your values and ask for others to honor what’s important to you.
No woman needs a man who keeps disappearing in their life and certainly not a repeat offender.
You deserve better.
Been stuck in the heartbreaking cycle of having a man be attentive and sweet— when he suddenly loses interest, or worse, disappears completely?
I don’t have to tell you how much it stings when a man pulls away.
Instead… want to know more about how to get the kind of delicious, consistent attention and affection that lasts a lifetime?
If you still want to see where things could go when he comes back, you need to avoid making this huge, common mistake.
Find out exactly how you can inspire him to stay with you forever.
Click here now to get started.
