We’ve all heard the saying, “The best relationships start as friendships.” But what does that really mean? And how do you actually go from being friends with someone to dating them?
It’s not always easy to tell if your friend likes you back, and making the first move can be scary. You don’t want to lose your friend if things don’t work out. But you also don’t want to miss out on what could be an amazing relationship. So, what do you do?
That’s where this article comes in. I want to help you navigate the ups and downs of turning a friendship into something more. We’ll cover everything from understanding your own feelings to dropping hints and having “the talk.” Ready to take a chance on love with your favorite person?
Honestly Evaluate Your Feelings
Before you even think about transitioning from friends to dating, it’s important to take a good, hard look at what you’re actually feeling. Is it a real crush or just a fleeting admiration because they helped you move last weekend? Here are a few things to consider:
- Consistency of feelings: Have you felt this way for a long time?
- Intensity: Does seeing them with someone else spark a bit of jealousy?
- Genuine Affection: Do you like them beyond just their cool playlist or their knack for making you laugh?
It’s also important to consider the potential risks. If you pursue the relationship and it doesn’t work out, are you willing to risk losing the friendship? Be honest with yourself about your intentions and the depth of your feelings before taking any action.
"When you are ready to move things forward with a friend, you can do a few things. Start with making sure you’re on the same page, find out if they are looking for a relationship, and make sure you want the same things out of life."— Lisa Van Loo | Certified Dating & Relationship Coach, LVL IT UP
Reflect on Your Friend’s Partner Potential
Once you’ve clarified your own feelings, it’s time to look at your friend with fresh eyes. Sure, you enjoy their company and appreciate their quirks, but would they make a good romantic partner?
Consider their values, goals, and lifestyle. Do they align with yours? Have you observed how they treat other friends or partners? Do they have qualities you find desirable in a significant other, like kindness, reliability, and open communication?
Think about the times they’ve been there for you or the moments they’ve fallen short. It’s okay to weigh their qualities by imagining how you’d support each other through life’s ups and downs.
"Have conversations about the things you have in common and the common goals you are working towards. Show them that you could see the two of you building a life together.For your friend to stop seeing you as just a buddy, you have to stop discussing dating other people with each other... Talk about your values, your interests, and things that put you in a positive light."
— Sandra Myers | Co-Founder and Certified Matchmaker, Select Date Society
Confide in a Trusted Friend or Family Member
Matters of the heart can be tricky, and it’s often helpful to seek an outside perspective. As we talked about earlier, transitioning from friends to dating is a big decision. That’s why I recommend confiding in a trusted friend or family member before making any moves.
Choose someone who knows you well and has your best interests at heart. Share your feelings about your friend and why you’re considering taking things to the next level. Be open to their honest feedback and insights.
A supportive confidant can help you:
- Gain clarity on your emotions and motivations.
- Brainstorm ways to approach your friend and express your interest.
- Identify potential challenges or compatibility issues you may have overlooked.
- Provide a sounding board as you navigate this new territory in your relationship.
Remember, you don’t have to go through this process alone. Lean on your support system and value their input as you decide about your friendship and your heart.
"If you have friends who are also friends with the person you are interested in, they might have insight into how the other person feels. Don't put any of your friends on the spot or otherwise make them feel uncomfortable."— AJ Silberman-Moffitt | Senior Editor, Tandem
Identify Signs of Mutual Attraction
Have you ever caught them staring at you a little too long? Or maybe they’re always the first to laugh at your jokes—even the not-so-funny ones. Spotting signs of mutual attraction can be thrilling but also a bit tricky. Here are some signs to look out for:
- Frequent Eye Contact: If they hold your gaze often, it’s a classic sign of interest.
- Physical Closeness: Do they find reasons to be near you, maybe a touch on the arm or sitting close enough so your knees touch?
Understanding these cues is vital because it gives you a sneak peek into their feelings without vocalizing them. It’s like playing detective in your own love story. If these signs are consistently present, there’s a good chance they might be feeling the vibe, too!
"See if they reply with a compliment or something flirty. It's a good sign if they do. If you make longer, lingering eye contact with a smile, touch each other on the arm when talking, or compliment each other more, that's great."— May Bugenhagen | Professional Matchmaker and Dating Coach, MatchMaker May
Start With Subtle Flirting
Once you’ve identified some potential signs of mutual interest, it’s time to test the waters with a bit of subtle flirting. I like to think of this as dropping little hints that you’re interested without being too obvious or pushy.
What this might look like:
- Using playful banter or inside jokes to create a sense of intimacy and connection.
- Complimenting them more often, especially on their appearance or personal qualities you admire.
- Finding excuses to spend more time together, like suggesting new activities or adventures you can share.
The key is to keep things light and fun. You want to create a flirtatious vibe without putting too much pressure on the situation. If your friend seems receptive to your subtle advances, that’s a good sign to keep moving forward. But if they seem uncomfortable or pull away, it’s important to respect their boundaries and not push too hard.
"You can start by being subtle and slowly make it more obvious. Take notice of whether or not the flirtation is reciprocated. Don’t worry about feeling awkward at first. It may take a while to shift gears from friendship to dating."— Sandra Myers | Co-Founder and Certified Matchmaker, Select Date Society
Express Interest Through Body Language
Sometimes, what you don’t say speaks volumes. Body language is a great way to show someone you’re interested. It’s subtle but effective if you’re not quite ready to use words. Consider incorporating:
Eye contact: Holding your friend’s gaze for a beat longer than usual can create a sense of intimacy and connection. Just be sure not to stare too intensely, or you might come across as creepy rather than cute.
Lean in: When you’re chatting with your friends, try leaning in slightly to show that you’re engaged and interested in what they have to say. This can also create a sense of physical closeness without being too overt.
Mirror their movements: Subconsciously mirroring your friend’s body language, like crossing your legs in the same direction or adopting a similar posture, can create a sense of alignment and rapport.
Remember, the goal is to use your body language to enhance your flirtatious vibe, not to overwhelm your friend with intense signals. As I mentioned earlier, it’s all about starting subtlely and gauging their reaction before turning up the heat.
Plan Solo Time to See Romantic Compatibility
As you start to develop feelings for your friend, it’s important to create opportunities for more intimate interactions. While group hangouts are fun, they don’t provide the same chance to deepen your connection and explore your potential as a couple.
I suggest finding ways to spend more one-on-one time together. This could mean:
- Offering to help them with a project or errand.
- Grabbing coffee or lunch during your work break.
- Inviting them to check out a new exhibit or attend an event that aligns with their interests.
Try to create a sense of comfort and familiarity in each other’s presence. As you spend more time together, just the two of you, you’ll naturally start to develop inside jokes, shared memories, and a deeper understanding of each other’s perspectives and dreams.
If the vibe feels natural and exciting, that’s a great sign that you might be compatible with more than just friends. But if the dynamic feels forced or falls flat, it could indicate that you’re better off as friends.
"Going on a "date" without doing anything romantic is a good start, whether that is a trip to the zoo or even holding a conversation over dinner, it's good to check you can do these things and have a good time without holding hands, and without the tickling anxiety of a kiss or a physical touch."— Kirsten McKinley | Founder, Weddings & Brides
I know it can be tempting to blurt out your confession in a moment of passion but trust me, it’s worth waiting for the right opportunity. You want to choose a time and place where you both feel comfortable, relaxed, and open to a heartfelt conversation.
Maybe it’s during a scenic walk in the park or while stargazing on a clear night. Whenever and wherever you decide to express your feelings, be sure to:
- Choose a private location where you won’t be interrupted or overheard.
- Make eye contact and speak from the heart, sharing your genuine emotions and hopes.
- Give your friend space to process and respond, even if it means sitting with some momentary silence.
Remember, as we talked about earlier, there’s always a risk of rejection when you put your heart on the line. But by picking the perfect moment to share your feelings, you give yourself the best chance of a positive outcome and minimize the awkwardness if your friend doesn’t feel the same way.
Allow Processing Time After Sharing Feelings
You’ve just taken one of the biggest leaps in your friendship: expressing your romantic feelings. What comes next? A crucial step—giving them time to process. It’s important not to push for an immediate answer.
Important to remember: Processing differs for everyone; some might need a few hours, others several days. Your friend might need space to sort through their feelings and the potential impact on your friendship.
During this time, keep yourself busy. Dive into your hobbies, hang out with other friends, or simply relax. Taking care of your emotional well-being and giving them space as they process their feelings can help preserve your friendship, no matter the outcome.
Handle Unreciprocated Feelings With Grace
Not every confession of romantic feelings leads to a good ending. If your friend doesn’t feel the same way, handling it gracefully can save your friendship and your dignity. It’s a natural part of life and doesn’t diminish the value of your friendship or your worth as a person.
Acknowledge their feelings without pressure, express appreciation for their honesty even if it’s not the outcome you hoped for, and give yourself permission to feel sad, but try to avoid wallowing. It’s okay to feel hurt—it’s a sign you truly cared.
It’s also important to discuss what this means for your friendship moving forward. Can you return to being just friends? Adjusting your expectations and maintaining a positive outlook can help both of you move forward with minimal awkwardness.
By handling unreciprocated feelings with kindness and understanding, you show your friends that you truly care about them as a person, not just as a potential partner. This will maintain a strong, healthy friendship even without a romantic relationship.
"You have to always be prepared for failure to have any real success romantically or as friends, if you become friends, then attempt to be romantic, and it fails, you have to be okay to fall back on your friendship, as the failure of romance could kill the relationship itself depending on what sort of feelings are brewing."— Kirsten McKinley | Founder, Weddings & Brides
Clearly Communicate Relationship Goals
Let’s say your friend shares your romantic interests (yay!), and you both decide to explore dating. While it’s an exciting time, it’s also important to have an open, honest conversation about your relationship goals and expectations.
Some key topics to discuss might include:
- Exclusivity: Are you both comfortable with the idea of dating each other exclusively, or do you want to keep things open and casual at first? Make sure you’re clear about your expectations around seeing other people.
- Physical intimacy: What are your comfort levels and boundaries when it comes to physical affection and intimacy? It’s important to respect each other’s limits and move at a pace that feels safe and consensual for both of you.
- Time commitments: How much time do you want to spend together as a couple versus maintaining your individual lives and friendships? Find a balance that works for both of you and allows you to nurture your relationship without losing yourselves in the process.
There are no right or wrong answers here. It’s necessary to make sure you’re on the same page about the big stuff to avoid misunderstandings and heartache down the road.
"It’s essential you are completely honest with yourself and your friend about what you want from this new relationship. Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship; prioritize time to discuss and understand each other’s expectations and boundaries to prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings down the road."— Colleen Wenner-Foy, MA. LCMHC-S, LPC, MCAP | Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor | Founder and Clinical Director, New Heights Counseling and Consulting LLC
Prioritize Open and Honest Communication
If there’s one piece of advice I can’t emphasize enough, it’s the importance of open, honest communication as you transition from friends to dating. This will hold your relationship together and allow you to face challenges with understanding.
It means sharing your thoughts, feelings, and concerns with your partner, even when it feels scary or vulnerable. It means listening to their perspective with an open mind and heart, without judgment or defensiveness, and working together to find solutions.
I know it’s not always easy, especially if you’re used to keeping things light and casual as friends. But by communicating openly and honestly with each other, you build trust, respect, and intimacy.
"Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship; prioritize time to discuss and understand each other's expectations and boundaries to prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings down the road."
— Colleen Wenner-Foy, MA. LCMHC-S, LPC, MCAP | Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor | Founder and Clinical Director, New Heights Counseling and Consulting LLC
Maintain Your Strong Friendship Bond
Just because your relationship takes on a new dimension doesn’t mean you should forget about the strong friendship that started it all.
Make sure to remind each other about the reasons you got along so well as friends, and keep doing things that bonded you in the first place. Make it clear that your friendship remains a priority.
By keeping your friendship at the heart of your relationship, you remind each other what brought you together in the first place—building a strong connection that can weather life’s ups and downs.
Embrace a Slow, Natural Progression
When you’re falling for a friend, it’s tempting to want to speed things up and jump right into a serious relationship. But I’ve found that the most successful transitions from friendship to dating happen when you allow things to progress slowly and naturally.
Think about it this way: you’ve already built a foundation of trust, respect, and affection as friends. Give yourselves space to process your feelings and adjust to the new dynamic in your relationship. Like any strong structure, building something that will last takes time.
By taking your time and not putting pressure on yourselves or each other to reach certain milestones by a specific timeline, letting things unfold at their own pace, you allow yourself to appreciate each moment and build a relationship that feels right.
"Going from friends to dating can be a tricky transition, so it's essential to take things slow and let the relationship naturally progress. Remember, your friendship is valuable and should be preserved—don't risk losing it for the sake of rushing into a romantic relationship."— Deniz Efe | Molecular Biotechnology Student | Founder, Fitness Equipped
Confidently Request a First Date
This is it! The first official date request. I know it can be nerve-wracking since you’re coming from a place of established friendship, but you’ve already done the hard part by putting yourself out there and expressing your interest.
Here’s how you can make the ask with confidence:
- Choose the right moment. Look for a time when you’re both relaxed and enjoying each other’s company.
- Be clear and direct. Use simple language, such as “I’ve really enjoyed getting closer. How about we go on a date and see where this goes?”
- Prepare for any response. While you hope they say yes, they might need time to think it over. Respect their feelings and give them space if needed.
Making the first move shows initiative and sincerity, signaling that you value this potential relationship beyond friendship. It’s a bold step, but it will make it easier for your friend to understand your feelings and respond positively.
Plan Dates That Encourage Quality Connection
While dinner and a movie can be fun, they don’t always provide the best opportunity for meaningful conversation and bonding. Instead, try to come up with date ideas that encourage interaction, shared experiences, and quality time together. For example:
- Volunteer together at a cause you both care about.
- Take a cooking class and learn a new skill side by side.
- Go on a scenic hike and enjoy nature’s beauty together.
- Attend a comedy show or improv class and laugh until your sides hurt.
- Visit a local farmers market and pick out ingredients for a homemade meal.
Choose activities that give you a chance to talk, laugh, and create memories together. By focusing on experiences rather than just entertainment, you’ll naturally build a stronger connection and get to know each other in a whole new way.
Use Engaging Conversation to Build Intimacy
While you may have already discussed your favorite movies or childhood pets as friends, as you spend more time together as a couple, dating requires a new level of vulnerability and openness.
Don’t be afraid to ask thoughtful questions and share your own hopes, dreams, and fears. Some topics you might explore together include:
- Your love languages and communication styles.
- Your bucket list adventures and wildest dreams.
- Your values, beliefs, and opinions on important issues.
- Your personal growth goals and aspirations for the future.
- The defining moments or challenges that have shaped you.
Remember, the goal isn’t to interrogate each other or force heavy conversations, but by engaging in meaningful conversations, you’ll learn more about your compatibility as a couple and have a deep sense of trust and connection with each other.
"Are you and your friend talking more? Are you communicating more frequently now? Have you noticed the long conversation and intimate talks? If so, you are thinking of each other and having meaningful communication."
— May Bugenhagen | Professional Matchmaker and Dating Coach, MatchMaker May
Stay True to Yourself
One of the biggest mistakes people make when transitioning from friends to dating is trying to be someone they’re not. I get it—when you really like someone, it’s tempting to present an idealized version of yourself or agree with everything they say.
But here’s the thing: if you want a relationship that lasts, it has to be built on truth. Your friend fell for you because of who you are, quirks and all. They appreciate your unique sense of humor, your passionate opinions, and your silly dance moves. Don’t feel like you have to hide or change those parts of yourself just because you’re dating now.
By showing up as your real self, you give your partner the chance to love you for who you really are. Plus, you’ll feel a sense of freedom and peace knowing you don’t have to pretend or perform to earn their affection.
"Don’t try to be someone you’re not—if your friend knows and like the real you, they’re more likely to want to date you too. Plus, it’ll be a lot harder for things to go sour if you’re being genuine from the get-go."— Deniz Efe | Molecular Biotechnology Student | Founder, Fitness Equipped
Give Your Friend Time to Adjust
Transitioning from friends to dating is a big change, and it’s normal for both of you to need some time to adjust. Even if your friend shares your romantic feelings, they may still feel a bit overwhelmed or uncertain as you adjust to this new dynamic together.
- Be Patient: Don’t pressure them to move faster than they’re ready for, whether that means putting a label on the relationship, getting physical, or making big plans for the future.
- Support Their Need for Space: If they need time to think things through, be supportive. It’s important not just to respect this but to encourage it.
That’s why giving your friends the time and space they need to process their emotions and get comfortable with being more than friends is important. It ensures that both parties are comfortable with this transition.
"Your relationship will go through changes and grow if you give it time and space. If you begin with an agreement of what you value in your friendship and what you are working toward in the new situation, you have a good chance of being successful."— Susanne M. Alexander | Relationship and Marriage Coach & Character Specialist, CharacterYAQ | Author, “Couple Vitality“
Balance Friendship and Romance
One of the most beautiful things about falling for a friend is that you already have a platonic love and connection to build upon. Find a balance between your romantic connection and preserving the special qualities of your friendship.
That means making time for activities you enjoyed together as friends. Just because you’re dating now doesn’t mean you have to give up the hobbies and interests you bonded over.
Continue to share your hopes, fears, and dreams with each other. But don’t neglect your other friendships or expect your partner to meet all your social needs. Maintain your individual interests and connections outside of the relationship to avoid codependency.
When conflicts arise (and they will!), address issues directly and with compassion, but also know when to take a break and return to the conversation. Focus on listening, validating each other’s perspectives, and finding compromises that work for both of you.
Collaborate to Address Challenges That Arise
No matter how strong your friendship or how compatible you seem as a couple, as with any relationship, you’re likely to encounter challenges as you adjust to this new aspect of your relationship. That’s why it’s important to:
- Approach conflicts or misunderstandings as a team. Whether it’s scheduling conflicts because of new romantic commitments or adjusting to each other’s expectations, view these as opportunities to strengthen your partnership.
- Use clear and open communication to discuss issues as they arise. Encourage a culture where both of you feel safe and confident in voicing concerns and working through them together.
This isn’t to avoid challenges altogether but to face them head-on. By working through difficulties together, you’ll not only strengthen your relationship but also deepen your sense of trust towards one another.
Enjoy the Excitement of New Possibilities
Falling for a friend can be one of the most thrilling, heart-fluttering experiences life has to offer. Suddenly, you’re seeing this person you’ve known and appreciated for so long in a whole new light—and the possibilities for your relationship feel endless.
Take time to appreciate the little things, like:
- The deep conversations that stretch late into the night.
- The laughter that comes so easily reminds you why you fell for your friend in the first place.
- The thrill of holding hands for the first time, feeling your heart race at the gentle touch.
- The rush of butterflies when you catch your partner looking at you with adoration and desire.
- The comfort of snuggling up together during movie night, feeling safe and cherished in their arms.
These are the moments that make taking the leap from friends to dating incredibly worthwhile. Embrace the excitement of new possibilities, knowing that with your friend by your side, anything is possible.
Excerpts from the Expert
“In my experience, people have many likes and dislikes. Each of those likes and dislikes has varying levels or degrees. This all assumes that we are fully aware of what we like and what we don’t like, what we want and what we don’t want, and what is best for us and what isn’t.
It is true that we are attracted to our friends in some way. They wouldn’t be our friends otherwise…Of course, simply liking someone doesn’t automatically or necessarily elevate them to the level of a lover. We should consider and explore “what it is that we like exactly” and “how much do we like it?”
Just because we “can be” romantically attracted to someone doesn’t mean that we “must be” or that we “will be” romantically attracted to that person.
I would go so far as to say that, in an ideal world, all dating would begin with friendship. After all, how else can you know what you like about this person? The simple answer is “attraction”…Attraction is personal and subjective. It cannot be defined in a universal way.
Friends with benefits
There is the notion that there is a place greater than friends yet less than lovers…The truth is that in this situation, people want to be more than friends without the commitment of being lovers.
More often than not, however, one or both people in this situation will end up getting hurt… Over time, one person will want more out of the relationship, or another will want less. In either case, there will be false expectations.
This kind of relationship will not be sustainable. Not only will the situation come to an end, but possibly the friendship itself. Either commit or don’t. One foot in and one foot out makes for an unbalanced and unstable relationship. Just as you aren’t lovers, you also aren’t being friends.
Be a true friend
…If someone doesn’t have the same level or type of attraction as you, be a true friend, accept that, and move on with your life. Our attractions are personal, and they vary over time.
If you have befriended someone with the deliberate intention of being their lover, then you were never a friend at all. You weren’t honest with this person or the relationship.
Is it surprising that they might not want to continue any kind of relationship with you? It shouldn’t be. People, including friends, don’t owe you their love.
What does it mean to be a friend?
- Before pursuing love with a friend, remind yourself what it means to be a friend.
- Good friends care about one another. Real friends have respect for one another.
- By being honest and earnest friends, you should want what is best for that person. They, too, should want what is best for you.
So, how can we go from friends to lovers? Mutually, slowly, caringly, and respectfully, that is how.”
— Jerry Brook | Certified Professional Life Coach, Good Together | Author, “Good Together“
Frequently Asked Questions
Can friends turn into a couple?
Absolutely! Many couples start as friends before they transition into a romantic relationship. It’s about finding the right moment and method to elevate the friendship into something more intimate.
Is it a good idea to date a close friend?
Dating a close friend can lead to a strong relationship because it’s built on an existing foundation of trust and understanding. However, there’s a risk involved, as it might change the dynamics of your friendship, especially if the romantic relationship doesn’t work out.
How do I know if my friend is also interested in dating?
Look for signs like increased physical contact, flirtatious behavior, or a desire to spend more one-on-one time with you. Honest communication about your feelings can also reveal whether there is mutual interest.
How can we avoid ruining our friendship if dating doesn’t work out?
Communication is the key. Before pursuing a romantic relationship, discuss your expectations, boundaries, and concerns openly.
Agree to prioritize your friendship and treat each other respectfully and with compassion, no matter what happens. If dating doesn’t work out, take time to heal separately and then try to rebuild your friendship.
How long should we be friends before dating?
There is no set time frame; it’s more about when you both feel a deeper connection and the time feels right. Make sure that you’re not mistaking comfort and familiarity for romantic attraction.
What are the signs that we should return to being just friends?
Significant constant discomfort, arguments that stem from the new relationship dynamics, or a feeling of losing the joy and comfort that marked your friendship are signs.
If either of you feels that the romantic relationship is undermining the happiness found in your friendship, it might be worth reconsidering.
Final Thoughts
Falling for a friend can be a scary and confusing time. But going from friends to dating is all about being brave and staying true to your heart. It might not always be easy, but it’s always worth it to take a chance on love, especially when it’s with someone who already means so much to you.
Remember, the strongest relationships often start with friendship. Go slowly, communicate openly, and let your mutual trust and respect guide you. So why not take that chance and see where it leads?
