Every once in a while, you’ll have that moment where you look at your relationship and rethink things.
“Am I satisfied in this relationship?”
“Is she the right person for me?”
“Am I settling?”
“Are we having too many arguments?”
“If I leave, can I do better?”
We might not like to admit it, but we ALL ask these questions in our heads.
Some might get ashamed of asking these tough questions, but it’s actually healthy to think about how well your connection is doing, every once in a while.
You can’t be happy doing well unless you know for sure that you’re doing well.
Such questions start the moment the honeymoon phase ends and then over and over again after arguments, anniversaries, and even during random moments when you’re alone.
But to know if you should stay investing in a relationship, you need to have the right perspective on what makes or breaks a relationship.
You need to have the right values considered first to make the correct decisions.
So to figure out if you’d regret losing her if you ever leave, here are the main signs you need to look at:
1. She Has Been Good to You
Before you make any major relationship decisions, you need to look at what your girl brings to the table.
Too many guys are quick to remove the blame from themselves, put it on their girl, leave, and then later regret losing her.
You don’t want to be the guy who ends up recognizing her value when it’s too late.
You want to be the one clearly seeing your connection for what it is now.
To do that, you need to look at your girl objectively and start asking the right questions:
“Has she been supportive towards me?”
“Does she treat me with respect and kindness?”
“Does she prioritize me the way I think she should?”
“If I ended the relationship today, what value would I have to look hard to find again?”
And this value shouldn’t be just you missing her or how long you’ve spent together.
Because again, you need to look at your connection objectively.
If you realize that she brings a lot to the relationship and you think you’re unsatisfied, you might have taken her for granted.
That’s not what any smart man would do.
Here’s what you also need to keep in mind:
If she hasn’t given you what you’ve wanted her to offer, then you need to evaluate your leadership in the relationship.
Because if you’ve been winging it so far and had no leadership or guidance for her, then you can’t expect her to give you anything.
A lot of guys hop from one relationship to the other thinking it’s the women’s fault for not getting what they want when it was their fault all along.
If you don’t know what you want or don’t know how to ask for what you want, then no woman will give you your desired value.
So before you make the mistake of leaving and end up regretting losing her, you must first check your own standards and what you have brought to the table so far.
There’s a chance your girl is actually great for you but you just never knew how to create the right environment for her to BE her best self.
Before you re-evaluate the relationship, you must re-evaluate yourself.
2. There’s No Deal-Breaker & You’re Just Bored
This is tricky, and you’ll need to address nuances with your best judgment.
But boredom isn’t a valid reason to leave relationships unless it’s heavily weighing you down to the point of exhaustion.
Lots of dudes out there are quick to quit solid connections because they think it’s not as “exciting” as it was when they first started.
This is not how men think.
Because boredom means a lack of stimulation, and if you’re looking to your woman to get stimulated all the time, then it’s not your woman that’s the problem.
It’s you.
A man who is looking forward to an engaged life has a full schedule of work and activities that keep him stimulated without the presence of any woman being absolutely necessary.
It’s one thing to enjoy the presence of women in your life and it’s a whole different thing not being able to have fun without them.
Women are meant to enhance your life, not be your life.
So if you’re “bored” with your woman, then most likely you’re living a boring lifestyle, and she is just experiencing the dullness with you.
Make sure your lifestyle is taken care of first before you look to someone else.
3. You’re Still Attracted to Her
Attraction is the main attribute that holds a relationship together.
If you’re not attracted to your girl at all and no matter what she does, then you have a major problem continuing this relationship.
You can’t continue pretending to be with someone when you genuinely don’t like them physically.
It’s a waste of time trying to find other attributes to appreciate when just don’t want to bang her every now and then.
Some people might call this shallow, but it’s not unless you’re a very old man with a very old lady — you’ll have other dating motivations to work with at that point.
But if you’re younger and looking forward to starting a life with someone, you need to make sure you find her attractive enough to want to be with her.
4. She Continues to Invest
A woman who keeps investing her time and attention in you is a valuable woman.
Add in attraction and great behavior, and there’s nothing else you’d need from her.
The rest is on you.
When your girl continues to try to make things better, it means she has her intentions and priorities in the right places.
If you ask her to do something for you and she does, then you have someone you can rely on in the long run.
Most guys forget what it’s like being with other women when they’re in a relationship for too long.
The grass is not always greener on the other side.
You might end up losing her after finding someone else who might be more “fun and attractive” but will not take a few minutes of her time to invest in you.
That’s why you need to be as logical as possible before deciding a relationship is no longer good for you.
Genuine and consistent support and care are not easy to find.
So don’t make emotional decisions based on just “fun and attractive.”
5. You Have No Direction for the Relationship
Your relationship will only be satisfying as long as it has a direction.
If you don’t have a purpose for your relationship, your girlfriend or wife should be the last person you need to evaluate.
No matter how great you and your partner are, if there’s no intentional evolution for your connection, then you can’t be surprised if it slowly starts dying.
Relationships are like plants, they’re either growing or decaying.
There’s no in-between.
The more you understand the importance of growth, the more fulfilled you both will be.
So you’re not necessarily bored or unsatisfied because she isn’t doing or being enough, you just don’t know you have the responsibility to push the relationship to progress.
And she is not the one who is going to do that for you.
As a masculine man, you need to have an idea of what a relationship should look like to keep you and her engaged and developing towards a better version of yourselves together.
Just being nice to one another and being intimate every once in a while is not enough and doesn’t warrant sustainable success and happiness.
Letting go of a relationship with someone who’s great and has minor imperfections like any other human could be a decision that can make you regret losing her.
Unless there’s a glaring flaw of hers that stops you from leading the relationship to advance towards where you want it to be, it’s all on you.
You’re a man. Lead as one.
6. You’re Temporarily Into Someone Else
One of the main reasons why guys move on to other relationships is when their long-term connection goes stale and a hotter woman shows up.
Too many guys have fallen for that trap and end up regretting losing their partner later.
The reason why many fall for it is a combination of not knowing what they want and making decisions emotionally.
There’s nothing wrong with coming across an attractive woman every once in a while and having these “naughty thoughts” even if you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship.
Because let’s face it: we’ve all been there.
But if you have promised a woman monogamy and then don’t act accordingly, then your integrity goes out the window.
And that’s something important that no girl can give you to maintain ANY fulfilling relationship.
No matter how hot and fun she is.
So just because you’re bored with your relationship, doesn’t mean anything new and “exciting” will make your life better.
Because of the boredom, we often forget the good qualities and routines that we already have and assume that the refreshing setting of a new relationship will continue having these same healthy attributes given to us by the familiar partner.
That’s why a lot of guys end up disappointed when they realize new experiences don’t always mean better.
And this is also how guys go back and try to restart the relationship that was once working for them.
Don’t be that guy.
Be smart and don’t be fooled by novelty.
7. You’ve Made More Money & Exploring Options
This is very similar to the previous point.
There are a lot of dating gurus out there who will talk about Hypergamy — that women generally prefer dating men on their level or higher from a financial or status standpoint.
But very few of the same gurus will also talk about men preferring better-looking women as they do better in life, especially from a financial or status perspective.
The thing is: you need to recognize what is valuable to you in a woman to happily be with the right woman.
If it’s purely looks, then being on the lookout for hotter women will make sense for you.
But if you’re looking for actual companionship and someone who is willing to help you succeed and become higher value, then looks will less valuable.
You’ll always find hotter women, but you’ll rarely find great women who offer enjoyable company and consistent support.
Unfortunately, some dudes do forget about the women who supported them when there weren’t a lot of resources available.
What usually ends up happening to these guys once they replace their girls is surprising:
They end up with girls who don’t really care.
These are the type of girls who use their looks to wait at the finish line for a winner.
This type of woman has very little patience for struggle and challenges, and that’s why she comes to you when you’re doing better.
She isn’t there for the right reason.
Because you are not choosing her for the right reason.
So if you choose to let go of the reasons that make relationships work beyond shallow reasons, you’ll regret losing her.
What You Need to Do Instead of Letting Her Go
1. Take Control & the Lead
The key to relationships that you should have noticed by now is that everything is about you.
All relationship consequences are your responsibility when you have the authority.
But a lot of guys want authority without accountability.
That’s why their girls don’t take them seriously enough to respect their leadership.
And that’s also why these same guys keep waiting for things to magically fall into place, so when they don’t, they blame their girl or relationship.
If you take control of your actions and bridge the gap between where you are with your relationship and where you want the connection to be, then you’ll understand what you must exactly do to get closer to what you want.
The moment your girl recognizes that you’re consistently taking control and accountability for her benefit, she’ll appreciate you and slowly support you to make your wishes come true.
But that’s only possible when you’re consistent, honest, and supportive towards her so she can feel safe enough to follow your lead.
Nobody will follow your lead unless they trust you to benefit them.
2. Be Proactive with Your Relationship
What separates the fun and attractive partners from the boring ones is their proactivity.
The type of guy women love to commit to is the guy who is always suggesting something enjoyable to do.
That’s the type of man who suggests fun things because HE wants to have fun, not because he wants his girl to enjoy his company so he could get laid.
There’s a huge difference in mindsets and women will notice that.
If she realizes you’re trying just for her, your actions and suggestions will come across as inauthentic and fake.
Remember: no girl wants to be your life; she only wants to be part of it.
Even if she says otherwise.
So instead of leaving a relationship because it’s not engaging, you might need to make changes to the unfulfilling dynamic with your girl.
You need to be proactive because you are a fun guy, not because you want something from her.
Build a fun lifestyle for yourself so you’re never reliant on a specific person to make life more interesting for you.
Otherwise, you will regret losing her and still struggle with an unfulfilled and unengaging life.
How to Know if You Won’t Regret Losing Her
1. The Relationship is Toxic
A boring relationship is easy to deal with when you have a girl who is willing to work with you.
But that doesn’t apply in toxic relationships.
Having a toxic relationship means you’re dealing with someone who, intentionally or unintentionally, doesn’t want to have a stable connection.
Some girls are drama-driven and you can’t invest in them no matter how attractive and “nice” they are.
Others have mental issues they need to deal with before dealing with any relationship.
These kinds of women will only drain you and prevent you from growing to be who you want to be in the long run.
You won’t regret leaving someone who doesn’t want to be there for your benefit and if you’re truly valuing the right reasons to be with someone.
Because there are many guys who will initially regret losing girls for all the wrong reasons.
They will regret losing the drama that kept them engaged and the toxic intimacy that comes every once in a while.
If this applies to you, then you have a lot of value to acquire to have no desire for purposeless and mentally taxing connections.
2. She Takes & Refuses to Give
In this day and age, there are too many entitled people out there who think they should be given the world when they have nothing substantial to offer.
Unfortunately, these same people only feel entitled because there are others out there who continue to respond to the entitlement.
Nobody is going to stay feeling entitled to a certain treatment or attention if nobody is offering it.
In the context of relationships, if you’re dealing with a woman who doesn’t want to invest in you, then it’s your fault.
She thought she can have you without bringing any value because you showed her it’s possible.
The only thing you can do at this point is either set your boundaries straight or leave if it’s not going to work.
Because being stuck in this dynamic will always leave you empty — like you’re not enough.
The longer you stay in this draining connection, the harder it will be to leave.
But once you do leave, you will end up not regretting losing that entitled and demanding person in the long run.
Instead, you would recognize that this kind of relationship only made you lose yourself.
3. You’re Settling & Just Not Attracted to Her
You’d be surprised to know that there are a lot of people out there who will get into long-term commitments just because they don’t want to be alone.
The inability to be alone can force you to be with someone who isn’t right for you.
It can make you look past simple relationship requirements such as attraction to simply be with someone — anyone.
Some guys make this decision because they can’t find an attractive woman who wants to be with them, so they end up settling for the best thing to pass time and pretend they have what they desire.
This isn’t usually done out of bad intentions, but it’s definitely a choice made in desperation.
So if you’re with someone you’re simply not attracted to at all, then you need to start addressing your and her needs responsibly.
You won’t regret losing her in the long run if you know you didn’t even win over someone you actually desire.
You must be fair to yourself and whoever you’re with — it’s selfish to keep someone investing in you when you know you don’t want them.
4. You Tried, But It’s Still Not Working
You can only truly know whether you’ll regret losing her or not after you’ve done your best.
Once you’ve done all you could to transform your relationship into what you want it to be, you’ll be able to tell if you’d get rewarded for your efforts or you’d just waste time and energy trying.
At that point, you might get disappointed that things aren’t working out, but you can’t regret losing her if never had her.
Whether that was your fault or hers, you can’t control everything that led to the connection you’re in now.
Only you could tell if you’re beating a dead horse and wasting valuable time that could have gone into exploring a connection that might have been more satisfying and less complicated to deal with.
5. There’s Not Enough Trust
No matter how great the chemistry, attraction, or affection between you is, nothing can substitute trust in a relationship.
And the only way you can maintain trust is by maintaining consistency.
This simply means too many inconsistencies will harm the foundation of the connection you have, which is again, trust.
But it doesn’t matter who was inconsistent and untrustworthy.
You’re either both on the same page and have an understanding that you can rely on each other or you’re not.
All it takes to destroy a relationship is for one person to be unreliable for long-term investment.
Now, some inconsistencies can be minor and can be mended to develop trust.
But too much harm, deception, or disappointments cannot be fixed even if you both want things fixed.
Once you get to that point, even if you don’t like it, you have to make the tough decision of ending what doesn’t and won’t work.
As with any hard decision, you might regret losing her in the short term, but it will be worth it in the long term.
Especially once you start another relationship where you’ve learned from your mistakes and made it a point to focus on consistency and maintaining trust right from the get-go.
6. You’ve Messed Up Pretty Bad
You can’t happily be with someone if they have made up your mind about you.
At the same time, a relationship can only handle a few drastic mistakes before it breaks and can’t be repaired.
Knowing these two points, you’ll understand that if you’ve messed up too bad, too many times, and for too long, you can’t just show up as her leader and expect her to follow your guidance.
A leader must be respected to be followed, and if you have wronged your girl often, you can’t expect her to trust and respect you enough to simply do whatever you want and ask for.
Sometimes, the best way to have a nice relationship is to leave one that’s completely cracked, learn from it, and then start a new one from scratch.
If you leave a relationship that has gone sour for too long, especially if your girl has already checked out, then you won’t regret losing her because you’ve already lost her.
She just hasn’t officially left yet.
And you don’t need to wait for her to leave for you to understand that it’s over. Just because she’s with you doesn’t mean she’s actually with you.
Again, you must be proactive.
You must be steps ahead and fully understand where your relationship is headed.
If she starts complaining too much and you recognize you’ve totally messed up a lot, then you’re already too late.
Use your judgment the best you could.
7. She Has Messed Up Pretty Bad
You can’t regret losing her if she has made unforgivable mistakes.
You might be deeply disappointed by her actions and words right after they happen, but do not mistake those disappointment and major distrust that comes after her actions as fear of regret.
When we have a scarcity mindset, we fear regret more than loss.
But when you stay despite knowing someone has wronged you badly, you’re never satisfied with that relationship you stayed in.
If anything, staying when you know you should leave only creates more contempt, tension, passive aggression, etc.
So you need to trust yourself and your standards.
You need to know when to leave and not look back — to act with an abundance mindset and know that you can always find another person who will not make major mistakes that would affect you.
Because if you choose to stay, you might teach your girl that it’s okay to harm you.
No matter how many times she apologizes, sometimes apologies aren’t enough and you fear that you’ll regret losing her when you leave is not going to have her respect you in the long run… just because you stayed.
It’s All About You
Once again, the way you should evaluate your relationship is by evaluating yourself, your boundaries, and your standards.
Nobody can tell you what your boundaries and standards should be.
The only person who truly knows whether or not you’ll regret losing her when you leave is you.
You’re the one who has been in the relationship, getting treated in a certain way, and investing in your woman however you like.
So the best way to figure out the right decision is to take a good look at what you’ve been doing and not doing.
Have you been leading by example correctly?
Have you been communicating dissatisfaction and satisfaction when needed?
Are you just bored or negatively affected?
Once you have identified your influence and what your girl is offering or can do, you’ll know whether or not you’ll regret losing her by leaving.
It’s all about you.
