Relationships thrive on trust and honesty. But what if you start to suspect that your partner’s words don’t add up? Maybe you’re hearing exaggerated stories or catching them in lies.
This could be a red flag that you’re dating a pathological liar, someone who lies compulsively, often without any clear reason. Dating a pathological liar can feel confusing, emotionally draining, and damaging to your self-esteem.
But how can you know for sure? In this article, I’ll go deep into who a pathological liar is, how to spot one in your relationship, and most importantly, how to handle the emotional toll of dating such a person.
By the end of this article, you’ll gain insights into what pathological lying looks like, how it can affect your relationship, and effective ways to protect your well-being.
Who is a Pathological Liar?
A pathological liar is someone who lies compulsively, often without clear reason or benefit. Unlike casual or “white” lies told to avoid conflict or spare feelings, pathological liars weave intricate and unnecessary falsehoods, often about trivial matters.
This behavior can be linked to deeper psychological issues such as low self-esteem, unresolved trauma, or even personality disorders like narcissism or antisocial personality disorder.
Importantly, pathological liars don’t always lie with malicious intent. In many cases, they lie to enhance their image, avoid responsibility, or simply because lying has become an ingrained habit.
They may not always be aware of the harm their constant dishonesty causes to those around them.
How to Know You Are Dating a Pathological Liar in 7 Tested Ways
Recognizing that you’re dating a pathological liar can be tricky, as they often come across as charming and convincing. However, over time, their lies tend to unravel.
Below are key signs that can help you determine if your partner has a problem with compulsive lying.
1. Inconsistencies in their stories
One of the clearest signs of pathological lying is the frequent inconsistency in their stories. A pathological liar might tell you one thing today and something entirely different tomorrow.
These inconsistencies might start small, like minor changes in details, but over time they can grow into larger, more obvious contradictions.
For example, your partner may tell you they were working late, but you later discover through friends or social media that they were at a party.
When confronted, they might spin another lie to cover the original one. If this becomes a recurring pattern, it could be a sign that you’re dating someone who has a problem with lying.
2. Exaggeration of stories or achievements
Pathological liars often exaggerate their achievements, experiences, or connections to make themselves appear more important or impressive.
For instance, they may claim they were the top performer at work when, in reality, they were just part of a team project. Or, they might say they know a celebrity or were involved in an incredible event, but there’s no real evidence to support these claims.
This tendency to inflate their importance can make them seem exciting at first, but it often leaves their partners feeling confused or skeptical.
If your partner consistently exaggerates their life stories without evidence to back them up, they could be engaging in pathological lying.
3. Lying about trivial matters
Unlike typical liars who might lie about significant issues, pathological liars will lie about even the smallest, most inconsequential things.
For example, they might lie about what they had for lunch or the time they left the house. These lies often serve no clear purpose, and when confronted, they may respond defensively or deny the lie outright.
The sheer frequency of their dishonesty, even about insignificant details, can leave you feeling like you’re constantly questioning reality.
If you find yourself regularly second-guessing even the smallest things your partner says, you might be dating a pathological liar.
4. Deflecting and avoiding accountability
When confronted about their lies, pathological liars often deflect the blame or shift the conversation to avoid accountability.
They might accuse you of being too critical or paranoid, or they might bring up unrelated issues to steer the focus away from their dishonesty. This deflection is a form of manipulation that leaves you confused and doubting your perceptions.
They might say things like, “Why don’t you trust me?” or “You’re always overreacting,” instead of addressing the issue at hand.
This manipulation can make it difficult to hold them accountable for their actions and lead to feelings of frustration and self-doubt.
5. A pattern of excuses and justifications
Pathological liars often have a well-practiced arsenal of excuses to justify their lies. When caught, they rarely admit to lying and instead offer elaborate explanations for why they had to lie.
They may claim that they were trying to protect you, that you misunderstood the situation, or that they didn’t want to upset anyone.
This constant stream of excuses can make it hard to pin down the truth, and over time, you may find yourself feeling drained by their need to explain everything away.
If your partner regularly has an excuse for every lie, it’s a strong sign that their dishonesty is habitual.
6. They lack of emotional depth
Pathological liars often struggle with forming deep emotional connections because their dishonesty creates a barrier to genuine intimacy.
They may seem emotionally distant or indifferent to your feelings, as their primary focus tends to be on maintaining their web of lies rather than fostering a truthful, emotionally rich relationship.
You might notice that when you try to have serious conversations about feelings or the future, they either change the subject, become defensive, or provide vague, noncommittal answers.
This lack of emotional depth can leave you feeling disconnected and unsure of where you stand in the relationship.
7. They gaslight you
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where someone makes you question your reality or sanity. Pathological liars are often skilled at gaslighting, using it to cover up their dishonesty.
They might tell you that you’re imagining things or that your concerns about their lying are baseless. Over time, this constant manipulation can lead to feelings of confusion, anxiety, and self-doubt.
If you frequently find yourself questioning your memory or your sense of reality when discussing issues with your partner, they may be gaslighting you to hide their pathological lying.
How to Deal with Dating a Pathological Liar
If you’ve recognized these signs in your relationship, taking steps to protect your mental and emotional well-being is important. Here are some tips to cope with dating a pathological liar:
1. Set clear boundaries
Establish clear boundaries about honesty in your relationship. Communicate that lying, even about small things, is unacceptable.
Be firm in your expectations, and don’t be afraid to enforce consequences if your boundaries are repeatedly violated.
2. Trust your gut
If your intuition tells you that something is off, trust yourself. Constant lying can make you doubt your judgment, but it is important to believe in your ability to discern the truth.
3. Encourage them to get professional help
Pathological lying is often rooted in deeper psychological issues. Encourage your partner to seek professional help from a therapist who specializes in compulsive behavior.
While you cannot fix their lying, a therapist can help them understand the root causes and work towards change.
4. Consider your well-being
Constantly dealing with a liar can take a toll on your mental health. If the lying continues despite your efforts to address it, you may need to consider whether the relationship is healthy for you.
Prioritize your emotional well-being, and don’t hesitate to step away from a toxic relationship.
Wrapping Up
Dating a pathological liar can be an emotionally exhausting and damaging experience.
Recognizing the signs of compulsive lying, setting boundaries, and protecting your mental health are essential steps in dealing with this challenging situation.
While someone can change with professional help, it’s important to prioritize your well-being and make decisions that ensure your emotional safety.
Trust your instincts, value honesty, and never underestimate the importance of truth in a healthy relationship.
