Flirting is a fun and exciting part of life, but it can also be a bit confusing. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell if someone is just being nice or if they’re actually interested in you. I mean, we’ve all been there, right?
People flirt to gauge the other person’s interest, initiate a romantic connection, boost their confidence, or simply have fun and enjoy social interactions. Figuring out if someone is flirting with you can be tricky, but it doesn’t have to be.
With a few simple tips, from body language to what they say, we’ll cover all the important signs and know if that special someone is trying to get your attention.
They Make Prolonged Eye Contact
Eye contact is one of the most universal signs of flirting. When someone is interested in you, they’ll often lock eyes with you for longer than usual.
Think about it—when you’re talking to a friend or colleague, you might make eye contact, but it’s usually brief and fleeting. But when someone is flirting with you, they’ll hold your gaze for a few extra seconds as if they’re trying to communicate without words.
Now, I know what you might be thinking: “But what if they’re just a really intense listener?” And sure, that’s possible. But there’s a difference between attentive listening and flirtatious eye contact.
When someone is flirting, their eyes often have a playful, mischievous sparkle, and they might even raise an eyebrow or give you a little smirk. Trust me, when you experience it, you’ll know.
"When someone is interested in you, they will probably keep your gaze for a longer period and make it more meaningful, whereas eye contact with friends usually consists of passing glances."— Jordyn Mastrodomenico, LCADC, LAC, CTP | Clinical Director, ChoicePoint
They Light Up Around You
Have you ever noticed how some people just seem to come alive when they’re around certain individuals? That’s exactly what happens when someone is flirting with you. Their whole demeanor changes—they smile, laugh, and seem more animated and engaged in the conversation.
It’s like you’ve suddenly become the most interesting person in the room (and to them, you probably are!). They’ll lean in closer when you speak, nod along enthusiastically, and give you their undivided attention. And if you say something funny or clever, they’ll be the first to laugh or compliment you.
Of course, it’s important to remember that some people are just naturally bubbly and expressive. But if you notice a marked difference in how they act around you compared to others, it could be a sign that they’re flirting.
"If they seem like a kid in a candy store and grinning from ear to ear when talking to you, then you can safely say they are into you!"— Adelle Kelleher | Dating Coach and Founder, Coaching Hearts Consulting
They Start the Conversation
When someone is attracted to you, they’ll often go out of their way to initiate contact and keep the conversation going. They might:
- Ask open-ended questions to encourage you to share more about yourself
- Find common ground and relate to your experiences
- Offer sincere compliments about your appearance, your achievements, or your personality
People who just see you as a friendly acquaintance might chat now and then, but if someone’s always finding a way to talk to you, they’re making an effort to connect with you and keep you engaged, genuinely wanting to learn more about you.
They Offer Genuine Compliments
A genuine compliment is specific, sincere, and often relates to something unique about you. For example, instead of just saying, “You look nice,” a flirtatious compliment might be, “That color really brings out your eyes” or “I love how passionate you are about your work.”
These kinds of compliments show that the person has been paying attention to you and appreciates the qualities that make you special. This can make you feel valued and can be a subtle but effective way of showing attraction.
"They compliment you a lot. Not everyone is familiar with the signs that someone is flirting with them. Another sign is if they are looking at you in a way that they aren't looking at anyone else. If they are doing this, they may be interested in you."— Thomas Niemczewski | CEO and Founder, Dream Chasers
They Remember the Little Things
When someone is flirting with you, they won’t forget your passing mention of your favorite band or a book you just read. In fact, they’ll often bring it up in future conversations, showing that they were really listening and interested in what you had to say.
What this looks like:
- You talk about a hobby or interest, and they ask thoughtful follow-up questions or share their own experiences.
- You mention that you love sushi, and the next time you hang out, they suggest trying a new sushi restaurant in town.
- You offhandedly remark that you’ve been stressed lately, and a few days later, they check in to see how you’re doing.
Remembering the little things is a way of showing that someone is invested in you and your life. It’s a sign that they’re not just flirting for the sake of flirting but because they genuinely want to connect with you on a deeper level.
"We’ve all done it: Talked to someone at the pub who was absolutely out of it. But if a good listener shows up—someone who nods in agreement, makes follow-up inquiries, and brings up comments you’ve already made—that’s a telltale sign that they’re interested."— Jordyn Mastrodomenico, LCADC, LAC, CTP | Clinical Director, ChoicePoint
They Ask Personal Questions
When someone flirts with you, they often try to steer the conversation towards more personal topics. They might ask about your family, childhood, dreams, and aspirations—all in an effort to get to know you better and create a more intimate connection.
Now, there’s a difference between friendly curiosity and invasive questioning. A flirtatious person will usually start with lighter topics and gradually work their way up to more personal stuff as they build trust. Some examples of flirtatious personal questions might be:
- “What’s your favorite childhood memory?”
- “What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?”
- “If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?”
Now, I know this can feel a little intimidating at first. But if you’re comfortable opening up and sharing, it can be a great way to build a connection and see if there’s potential for something more. Just remember to trust your instincts and only share what you’re comfortable with.
"It's possible that someone asking you a million questions isn't into you romantically but rather just finds you super interesting. However, if this happens within the context of a date or in a romantic setting, you can assume they're into you.This is a subconscious way to flirt. If the person weren't interested, they wouldn't ask you so many follow-up questions."
— Emyli Lovz | Dating Coach for Men
They Lean In Close
When someone is flirting with you, they’ll often find ways to get physically closer to you. One of the most common signs of this is leaning in during a conversation. It’s like they’re drawn to you and can’t help but gravitate towards your personal space.
Now, I’m not talking about invading your bubble in a creepy way. It’s more subtle than that. They might lean in to hear you better in a noisy room or tilt their head closer when you’re sharing a story.
This body language shows that they’re engaged in the conversation and interested in what you have to say. Plus, it creates a sense of intimacy and connection, even if you’re in a public space.
They Find Reasons to Touch You
Another way people flirt is through subtle physical contact. They might:
- Find an excuse to pick a piece of lint off your shirt.
- Touch your arm or shoulder when making a point.
- Give you a playful nudge when you make them laugh.
- Brush their hand against yours when reaching for something.
These light touches might seem accidental, but trust me, they’re often intentional. It’s a way for the person to test the waters and see how you respond to their physical presence. If you don’t pull away or seem uncomfortable, they might take it as a green light to keep flirting.
Of course, it’s important to remember that everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to physical touch. If someone’s touch makes you uneasy, setting boundaries and letting them know is perfectly okay. If they respect those boundaries, that’s a good sign of their intentions.
"Both men and women drop hints by way of seemingly innocuous or accidental physical contact. Maybe they’ll let their leg rest on yours under the table or let their hand on your back linger for an extra second...At first, you may think this contact is unintentional, but the more they do it, the more certain you can be that this touch isn’t so accidental after all."
— Emyli Lovz | Dating Coach for Men
They Mirror Your Movements
Mirroring is when someone subconsciously imitates the movements or behaviors of the person they are interacting with. Without even realizing it, you’ll catch them copying how you’re standing or your gestures.
- They may start to speak at your pace or use similar phrases.
- Posture and gestures like crossing legs or tapping fingers can be mirrored.
- Mirroring can create a feeling of harmony and agreement between two people.
This mirroring is often subtle and happens without either person really realizing it. So, if you notice that your potential love interest is starting to mirror your movements, it’s a pretty good sign that they’re feeling the chemistry, too.
"We, as people, often express our intent and feelings through the way we move and behave around others... Noticing how they physically react in your presence will be a good sign of whether they’re flirting or just being friendly. As the saying goes, 'Listen to their words but watch their actions.'"— Kate MacLean | Dating Expert, Plenty of Fish
They Try to Impress You
When someone is flirting, one of the things you might notice is their effort to impress you. This could be through showcasing their skills and achievements or even telling stories where they come off as particularly capable or heroic. What this looks like:
- They might share stories of their accomplishments.
- They could talk about their unique experiences or skills.
- You may notice them displaying their talents when they know you’re watching.
Whether they’re subtly flexing their muscles or detailing their latest adventure, the goal is the same: present themselves in a way that makes you think, “Wow, this person is interesting and impressive!”
They Tease You Playfully
Playful teasing is a classic flirting technique that can add a spark of fun and excitement to your interactions. When someone is interested in you, they might gently poke fun at your quirks or habits or engage in witty banter that keeps you on your toes.
A word of caution: There’s a fine line between playful teasing and mean-spirited mocking. If the teasing feels hurtful or crosses a boundary, it’s not flirting—it’s just rude.
But when done right, playful teasing can show that they’re paying attention to you and feel comfortable enough to joke around. It is also meant to provoke a reaction, see how you handle light-hearted banter, and create a lively dynamic between you two.
"A little light-hearted roasting may go a long way on the flirting meter, whether they're cracking jokes, being snarky, or engaging in lively banter with you. And also, since humor is a great way to capture someone's attention, this is the first step of flirtation for many people."— Jordyn Mastrodomenico, LCADC, LAC, CTP | Clinical Director, ChoicePoint
They Flash Flirty Expressions
As we talked about earlier, flirting isn’t just about what someone says—it’s also about how they say it. When someone is interested in you, their face will often give them away. They might flash you a series of flirty expressions that convey their attraction without them even realizing it.
Some common flirty expressions to watch out for:
- The coy smile: This is a playful, slightly mischievous smile that says, “I’ve got a secret, and it’s how much I like you.”
- The raised eyebrow: A quick raise of the eyebrow can be a way of saying, “Oh, really?” or “I’m intrigued, tell me more.”
- The lingering gaze – If someone is looking at you with a soft, dreamy expression and holding your gaze for a beat longer than usual, it’s a good sign they’re flirting.
Of course, it’s important to remember that everyone expresses themselves differently. Some people are naturally more expressive than others, and some may be more subtle in their flirting.
But if you notice a pattern of these flirty expressions directed your way, it’s a pretty strong indication that the person is interested.
They Steal Glances at You
You know that feeling when you’re in a crowded room and can just sense someone is looking at you? Well, when someone is flirting with you, you might catch them stealing glances your way more often than you’d expect.
It’s not always easy to spot, especially if they’re trying to be subtle about it. But you might notice them looking at you from across the room or glancing up at you while they’re pretending to be engrossed in something else.
And when your eyes do meet, they might hold your gaze for just a beat longer than necessary before looking away with a smile.
"They look at you a lot. Are you having a conversation with someone and feeling their eyes on you? Not necessarily creepy, but in a way that you feel they are paying close attention? Having someone who looks at you fully during a conversation could signify flirting."— AJ Silberman-Moffitt | Senior Editor, Tandem
They Behave Differently Near You
People who are attracted to you might start to act differently in your presence. This could manifest in various ways, depending on the person and the situation.
For example:
- They might become more nervous and flustered, stumbling over their words or fidgeting with their hands.
- They might become more animated and talkative, eager to engage you in conversation and make a good impression.
- They might become more attentive and focused, hanging on your every word and making an effort to remember the things you say.
This change in behavior is a personal adjustment to appeal to you, aligning with what they perceive as your preferences. If someone is usually calm and collected but becomes a bundle of nerves when you’re around, that could be a sign that they’re flirting with you.
"People who are interested in someone generally tend to act differently: Confident people blush and giggle, dominant people are coy and shy, and talkative people turn silent—these are just a few of the adjustments people whose crush is around them make."
— Ben Hartwig | Web Operations Executive, InfoTracer
When someone is flirting with you, they’ll often go out of their way to give you extra attention and make you feel special. This can take many forms, depending on the situation and the person’s individual style. What this might look like:
- They might offer to help you with a task or project, even if it’s not necessarily their responsibility.
- In a group setting, they might direct most of their comments and questions your way, even if other people are around.
- They might remember small details about your life and bring them up in conversation later, showing that they were really listening and that they care about what’s important to you.
Of course, it’s important to note that some people are just naturally friendly and attentive, and their behavior might not necessarily indicate romantic interest. But if that someone is consistently prioritizing you and going above and beyond to make you feel valued, it could be a sign that they’re trying to win your affection.
"Maybe the person compliments the color of your sweater or your hairstyle. It could even be a compliment about something that you thought was trivial. But when someone goes out of their way to compliment someone else, this can signify flirting."— AJ Silberman-Moffitt | Senior Editor, Tandem
They Fidget and Preen
Flirting can be a nerve-wracking experience, even for the most confident among us. When someone is trying to catch your eye and make a good impression, they might start to exhibit some nervous behaviors, like fidgeting or preening.
Fidgeting could involve playing with their hair, tapping their foot, or fiddling with a piece of jewelry. It’s a way of releasing nervous energy and can be a sign that they’re feeling anxious or excited in your presence.
Preening, on the other hand, is all about making sure they look their best for you. They might smooth down their clothes, adjust their posture, or check their reflection in a nearby mirror. They want to present the best possible version of themselves to you.
Everyone gets nervous sometimes, and fidgeting or preening alone doesn’t mean someone is flirting with you. But if these behaviors happen consistently and in combination with some of the other signs we’ve discussed, it could be a sign that someone is trying to catch your eye.
They Seek You Out in a Crowd
Even though there are plenty of people to talk to, does someone seem to keep popping up wherever you are? They might not always approach you directly, but you get the sense that they’re always aware of your presence and are looking for opportunities to be near you.
This is a classic sign of flirting, especially in social situations where there are lots of distractions and competing interests. When someone is interested in you, they’ll often go out of their way to seek you out and make sure you know they’re there.
They Single You Out
When someone is flirting with you, they often try to make you feel like you’re the only person in the room. They might single you out in group conversations, directing their attention and comments primarily toward you.
For example, let’s say you’re at a party with a group of friends. Someone who’s flirting with you might:
- Make inside jokes or references that only you understand.
- Ask for your opinion on a topic, even if others are contributing to the conversation.
- Find ways to physically separate you from the group, such as suggesting a walk or offering to get you a drink.
These gestures might seem small, but they’re a way of creating a sense of intimacy and connection, even in a crowded room.
They Engage with Your Online Presence
The digital age has given rise to a whole new dimension of flirting signs, and top of that list? How someone interacts with your online presence. If someone consistently engages with your social media posts, it might be more than just casual scrolling.
- They often like, comment, or share your updates.
- They might initiate conversations based on something you posted.
- They are interested in your online activities, sometimes bringing up your posts in offline conversations.
This digital attentiveness shows that they pay attention to you in person and are interested in your life online. It’s a way to stay connected even when you’re not physically together, and it often creates future conversations and interactions.
"When their double-taps on your Instagram posts evolve into heart-eye emoji replies, DM slides, and sly innuendo as they go, the person is probably trying to flirt with you."— Jordyn Mastrodomenico, LCADC, LAC, CTP | Clinical Director, ChoicePoint
They Create Opportunities to Spend Time with You
When someone is flirting with you, they often try to find ways to spend more time in your company. This could manifest in various ways, such as:
- Inviting you to join them for coffee or lunch breaks at work.
- Suggesting group outings or activities that align with your interests.
- Offering to help you with a project or task, even if it’s outside their usual responsibilities.
These gestures show that they value your company and want to create shared experiences. They’re looking for opportunities to connect with you and deepen your relationship, whether that means chatting over a meal.
They Dive into Deep Conversations
Flirting isn’t always about witty one-liners and playful banter. Sometimes, it involves engaging in more meaningful conversations that allow you to really get to know each other.
If someone is interested in you, they might try to engage you in discussions about your passions, dreams, fears, and philosophies on life.
They might ask you thought-provoking questions or share intimate details about their own experiences. This is a way of establishing a sense of trust and vulnerability, showing that they want to connect with you and get to know you—the real you.
They Make Their Availability Known
Someone who is flirting will often make it a point to let you know they’re available. This can be in terms of their social calendar and their relationship status. They might mention their free weekends or evenings. Or they might slip into the conversation that they’re not seeing anyone.
By signaling their availability, they subtly invite you to make plans with them, reducing the risk of a potential rejection by making sure you know they’re emotionally and physically free to dedicate time to you.
They Suggest Potential Dates
If someone is really into you, they might start dropping hints about potential dates or shared activities. This could be as simple as mentioning a new restaurant they’d like to try or a movie they’ve been wanting to see.
Or, they might be more direct and actually suggest making plans together. For example:
- “I heard about this great hiking trail nearby. We should check it out sometime!”
- “There’s a new art exhibit opening downtown next week. Would you like to go with me?”
These suggestions are a way of testing the waters and gauging your interest. They’re putting themselves out there and inviting you to take the next step in your relationship. And if you say yes? Well, that could be the beginning of a beautiful romance.
More Insights from the Experts
“Body language. If the person’s body, such as legs, feet, or shoulders, is facing you directly, then subconsciously, that means they are showing interest in you.”
If they seem to always be reaching out to touch you in a subtle way, like your knee, or brush your shoulder when laughing, then that signals they are romantically interested.”
— Adelle Kelleher | Dating Coach and Founder, Coaching Hearts Consulting
“Making eye contact when flirting can be very effective. Eye contact is a positive sign that someone finds you intriguing and possibly beautiful, even though they may not be purposefully trying to court you with long, lingering glances.
They make fun of you or make awkward compliments to you. Backhanded compliments give someone the opportunity to test the waters and see how you will react.”
— Sameera Sullivan | Relationship Expert, Sameera Sullivan Matchmakers
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I misinterpret someone’s behavior as flirting?
Misinterpretations can happen, and it’s important to handle them gracefully. If you feel uncertain, ask clarifying questions or communicate directly about your perceptions.
Remember, it’s okay to clear up misunderstandings to ensure both parties are comfortable and on the same page.
What are the most common mistakes people make when flirting?
Common flirting mistakes include coming on too strong, being overly aggressive or persistent, and failing to read the other person’s signals or comfort level.
Being respectful, attentive, and willing to back off if the other person is not receptive to your advances is important.
Can flirting be a form of cheating in a relationship?
Flirting can be considered cheating if it crosses boundaries set within a relationship. Every relationship has different standards, and what’s important is clear communication between partners about what is and isn’t acceptable behavior.
How can I tell the difference between friendly behavior and flirting?
Flirtatious behavior tends to be more focused, consistent, and intimate than friendly behavior. If you experience the signs above, it’s more likely to be flirting than just friendliness.
Is it possible for someone to flirt without realizing it?
Yes, sometimes people may unconsciously exhibit flirtatious behavior, such as mirroring your body language or giving you extra attention, without intentionally meaning to flirt.
What if I’m not interested in someone who’s flirting with me?
If you’re not interested, it’s best to be polite but firm in your response. Avoid leading them on or giving mixed signals. You can change the subject, mention your relationship status, or simply say you’re flattered but uninterested.
What can I do if I’m unsure whether someone is flirting with me?
If you’re unsure, observe their interaction patterns over time for consistency in the cues mentioned.
Additionally, consider gently addressing the topic with them directly or reciprocating to see if the behavior intensifies, which may confirm their intentions.
How can I flirt back if I’m interested in someone?
Mirroring their body language, making eye contact, and finding reasons to spend time with them are all good ways to reciprocate flirtatious behavior.
You can also compliment them, initiate conversations, and show genuine interest in their life and thoughts.
Can flirting lead to a serious relationship?
Flirting is often the first step in expressing romantic interest and can indeed lead to a serious relationship. However, the intentions behind the flirting can vary greatly, so it’s important to communicate openly about your feelings and expectations.
Final Thoughts
Spotting the signs of flirting can be a game-changer for your love life. By paying attention to body language, communication patterns, and the little things someone does when they’re around you, you’ll be able to tell if they’re interested in being more than just friends.
Remember, flirting is supposed to be fun and exciting! Take it easy, go with the flow, and don’t stress if you’re unsure. After all, the best connections happen when you’re just being you. With that mindset, you can’t go wrong!
