Monkey-branching is one of the most dreaded relationship dynamics people can go through in dating.
Most people have no clue what to do when they see their partners about to swing for another option.
Many don’t even see the signs for that kind of cheating and find out only when it’s too late.
What we’re going to do in this article is understand what monkey-branching means, signs to look out for, and how to deal with it.
When you’re done with this article, you should learn how to be proactive and never let yourself fall into the traps that lead to that dynamic and what to pay attention to whenever cheating comes your way.
What is Monkey-Branching?
Monkey-branching is abandoning a partner for another “better” option.
It’s finding value in someone (new branch) who has something your partner (old branch) doesn’t have and then choosing to upgrade by exploring what that new option has to offer.
Why Do People Monkey-branch?
To truly understand what makes people hop into a new dating experience, you have to know what people essentially need.
People who are happy in their relationships will prefer to stay loyal to their partners. Happiness means their needs are being met.
But men and women generally have different essential requirements to be fulfilled enough to stick with what they already know.
To make this as simple as possible:
Men require intimacy, peace, and support. Women value intimacy, connection, and security.
If a man remains attracted to a woman who makes his life easier and supports him regularly on his mission, he will be happy.
If a woman remains attracted to a man who stimulates her emotionally while providing security for her, she will continue to invest in her relationship.
Of course, people aren’t all the same and they will value some attributes more than others, but this is generally speaking what fulfills couples enough to stay together.
Now, when both men and women don’t find what they want and have their essential needs ignored or simply not addressed for whatever reason, eventually finding another option crosses their minds.
There are some women out there who won’t find a point in sticking with a man who’s broke just because he’s nice and loving. When given the opportunity, some of these women will “monkey-branch” to another man who will make their lives (and kids’ lives) easier.
They lacked security and stimulation because their men were nice but incompetent.
It can also happen that other women will abandon their rich and resourceful men to be with a man they find much more attractive.
They lacked attraction and stimulation so they had to monkey-branch to men who provide more fun and emotional stimulation.
Men, on the other hand, monkey-branch for different reasons, and it’s usually not about resources.
Some men will leave their partner to be with a more attractive woman.
Others find themselves with women they find attractive but they’re women they can’t enjoy being with.
Those men lacked having a peaceful relationship, so they bounce off to other women who bring less drama or concerns into the relationship.
There are also men out there who stay with their current partners not because they really want to, but because there is no branch available for them to swing for, so it becomes just a matter of opportunity and time.
The main reason why people wait for finding a new option first before they leave what they have is that they need resources from someone or they just fear being alone.
Now, we obviously don’t condone any of this, but what does all this mean to you?
Don’t take it personally when it happens to you.
As difficult as that may seem, if your partner or ex finds something in someone they didn’t find in you, that doesn’t mean you’re not as good as their new option.
It just means their other option is more compatible for them than you are at that time.
And that it may mean you have not fully understood what that partner really needed to continue being with them.
But if you want to know what to expect and proactively eliminate this from happening, you need to look out for these signs:
The 15 Definite Signs You’re Dealing with a Monkey-Brancher
1. They Keep Talking About Others
There’s nothing wrong with your partner talking about some random situation that has happened between them and someone else at a workplace, for example.
But if it happens consistently and it involves a specific person, then this is when you should start paying more attention.
That doesn’t mean you should confront them immediately about it.
Sometimes confronting someone about something they know they’re intentionally doing is only going to make them hide it better.
Don’t jump to conclusions but lookout for the other signs.
Eventually, the truth will present itself.
2. They Don’t Give You Credit, But Give It to Others
When someone doesn’t give you credit or show appreciation for what you do, you should be concerned.
And that has nothing to do with monkey-branching, it’s just a simple give-and-take that should take place in any healthy relationship.
But when you see the credit being given to someone else regularly somehow, then it might be time for you to be more cautious of your choice of relationship.
People who not only do not show you appreciation but also show it to someone else show you that they find value outside the connection that’s between you two.
You shouldn’t always take this personally as not all value found outside the relationship should be seen as your partner wanting to monkey-branch, but it’s one of those minor signs to recognize and keep in mind until more signs come along the way.
3. They Compare You to Others
When someone you’re supposed to be with starts comparing you to others in terms of physical attributes or capabilities on a more regular basis, then it’s a sign that they don’t respect you.
It can also indicate that person, who is supposed to value you and what you do already, isn’t satisfied fully with what you have to offer.
It’s one thing if your partner tells you that someone else is better than you at air hockey just to tease you, but it’s another thing when they tell you that someone looks better than you, makes them laugh more than you do, offers more support than you, etc.
You have to know that if you already keep providing value to someone and they don’t see it, maybe they shouldn’t stay with you.
You shouldn’t have to wait until they settle with another option later. Once you’ve realized that they clearly value someone else over you, just exit and don’t bother.
If the comparisons are consistent, then maybe you should let them go to whoever they want and find yourself someone who will be 100% satisfied with what you have to offer.
4. They Criticize You Too Often
If someone criticizes you too many times and not in a constructive manner, they either lack the maturity to appreciate what they have or they simply don’t respect you enough to like being with you.
As I always say, your partner must respect you first to be attracted to you.
If they aren’t attracted to you and don’t respect you, then it’s going to be a matter of time and opportunities before they find someone else they will get that fulfillment from.
You don’t have to wait for that monkey-branching to happen if it hasn’t already yet.
If someone is berating you on a regular basis, then you have to stop them by letting them know they either act like a mature person and communicate their differences properly or leave if they don’t plan on being a mature partner.
You also don’t have to tolerate any BS either, if you don’t see yourself being with that person and know they’ll never really change, then it’s time for you to quit trying.
Always make sure your boundaries are strong and your standards are high.
5. They Are Cold & Distant
Monkey-branchers will become cold and be distant to the point where they’re unrecognizable.
They will always seem “off” around you and won’t be willing to initiate conversations or ask about you.
They will not take the time to make plans with you; no dates, activities, traveling, etc.
They will seem completely different from the person you’ve first started dating, but how you approach this depends on your situation.
They could be dealing with a mental issue or stress that they can’t simply get over, so it’s not always about you.
However, if you see them being more engaged and interested in other people outside the relationship, then perhaps talking to them about where they are at mentally is a good place to start.
It’s not that being cold and distant means they are about to monkey-branch, but almost all monkey-branchers go cold turkey before monkey-branching, so look out for this sign and then observe some more.
6. They Act Shady Around You
Partners with intentions to leave will always start acting strangely in their last couple of months before they disappear.
What was once a routine with you will change and new patterns of unpredictable behaviors will emerge.
Staying out at night will be more common.
Talking to others will be more frequent.
New interests that weren’t once there will be explored.
And all of these new behaviors will come at your expense — staying out late at night will be more “fun” than being with you.
Talking to others in a “friendly” way will be more frequent than with you.
New friends of the opposite gender will become more common and engaged with than with you.
These kinds of behavior, along with being cold and distant with you, probably means they’re taking chances to get involved elsewhere that doesn’t include you.
This is an obvious sign you’re dealing with someone who is trying to monkey-branch.
7. They Are Out with Their “Friends” All the Time
Going out with friends is healthy and great for everyone generally speaking.
But the context and reason matter.
Is your partner going out with friends late at night to clubs all the time without you?
Are you always getting neglected for the sake of your partner enjoying being in places where “things just happen”?
Boundaries and rules have to be discussed with your partner to know what is expected of you and them — there should be communicated limitations on what you’re both okay with and what you’re not going to accept.
If you’re in a monogamous committed relationship, it might not make sense to be okay with your partner being with friends all night and getting drunk on dancefloors regularly without you.
If they don’t have respect for your commitment and choose to loosen the boundaries set in the relationship, then monkey-branching becomes a matter of time.
It’s easy to find other options when you’re always at clubs drinking all weekends.
8. They Have a History
The past is the best prediction for the future.
People say they change, but permanent positive change needs a lot of awareness and discipline.
Unfortunately for them, most people aren’t capable of changing.
Fortunately for you, you can predict what they’re about to do next because they aren’t capable of said change.
If you’re dealing with someone who jumps from one partner to the other relatively quickly and doesn’t take the time to invest properly in all of their relationships, then this could be a sign you’re dealing with someone who is familiar with monkey-branching.
It takes some patience and understanding to get a successful relationship going, and monkey-branchers tend to see anything negative as a red flag to quit.
They just don’t invest to move forward or fix an issue when things go stale.
Serial-daters have a habit of jumping from one short-lived connection to the other, so when you encounter someone with this tendency and history, you need to be cautious with your efforts and aim for consistency.
9. You’re Not Seeing Their Friends & Family
Anyone who is about to hop on another option will find it strange to have their partner still connecting to their friends and family.
If they have intentions of not being with you, they will isolate you from their circle of friends and family to start preparing for the next relationship or “single” status.
They’ll want to leave as much time as possible between their friends and family seeing you and them seeing someone new.
It’s odd when people see you and then see someone else the next month or two.
So whenever this isolation starts to happen and you get weird excuses not to see anyone from their circle when it was normal doing so earlier, pay attention.
10. They Are Obsessed with Their Looks All of a Sudden
Everyone should take care of themselves and make sure they look well and healthy.
If you look good, you will feel good.
This is something you and your partner should be encouraging each other to do — to look your best, and it also helps with maintaining attraction in a relationship.
However, improving yourself can sometimes be a means for other goals.
When people are looking for other options, they want to look and behave their best.
It’s like going to a job interview with the hopes of replacing the old job you don’t enjoy anymore.
You have to look your best and be as accommodating to the new job as reasonably as possible.
If your partner is all of a sudden hitting the gym, eating healthy, and disconnecting from you, best believe they’re not doing any of that for just themselves and you.
11. They’re Checking Out Others
This is one of the more obvious ones, but someone who has a hard time maintaining eye contact with you is probably in the wrong mental space to be in a committed monogamous connection.
If you’re dealing with someone who is consistently looking at other people from the opposite gender right in front of you, chances are they are unsatisfied with you and like what they see out there.
This could be the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome, but it’s not something you should be dealing with as it can be quite rude and disrespectful.
We all look and we all like to see attractive people, but we all have to respect the people we’re with and value also.
12. They Blame You for Things You Didn’t Do
When someone becomes increasingly passive-aggressive towards you, never look at what they’re actually saying, but why they are saying it.
Some people who want to quit their relationships don’t just leave the relationship.
They understand that they might look like the bad guys leaving you when you’ve done nothing wrong.
So what they do is start blaming you for no reason, and this is especially true when they’re the ones doing exactly what they’re blaming you for doing.
Think of this example:
Loyal people don’t question other people’s loyalty for no reason.
Why is that?
Because they themselves are loyal, so they don’t think about how other disloyal people move. They just mind their business and focus on themselves in their relationship.
Disloyal people, on the other hand, know what it means to be disloyal.
They know how to be disloyal because they’re practicing disloyalty.
So when they look at your behavior, they will nitpick and find ways to blame you for actions and intentions that were never there.
They will be projecting because it’s very unsettling being the only disloyal person in the relationship.
It’s easier to deal with someone who is “just as disloyal as you” because, that way, you can exit the commitment without being guilty about it.
Whenever you start getting blamed for outrageous things you never do, then it’s time to read between the lines.
They are probably monkey-branching and are guilty about it, and hope you’re making mistakes so they can feel better about their relationship exit.
Dismiss their blames and watch what they are doing.
13. They Are On Their Phones Too Much
Social media is the easiest way to connect to people.
It’s also the easiest way to find replacements for someone you’re dating.
It’s one thing when you’re dating someone who was always on their IG stories and checking out their likes, and it’s another when they were never that kind of person but changed all of a sudden.
Again, changes in patterns of behavior are always something to look out for.
If you see your partner posting on social media more often and looking for feedback when it wasn’t really their thing before, you have to ask yourself why are they looking for external validation all of a sudden?
Are they getting support for what they do from you? Or did you never bother?
Sometimes, unfortunately, we don’t act in a way that makes partners want to stay committed to us.
It’s not an excuse for cheating, but it’s our responsibility to make our partners know they’re loved and cared for first before we demand their attention and commitment.
On the other hand, sometimes we do put the effort to make sure they’re supported and looked after, but they just don’t care.
This is another problem entirely.
If they’ve stopped caring about your input, then they don’t value it enough.
If they don’t value you enough, then it will make sense for them to eventually monkey-branch.
So when you see them occupied with their phone, lowering its brightness around you, and making sure their screen isn’t facing you…
You now know what’s up.
14. They’re Vague
Vagueness is always going to be practiced by those sneaky monkey-branchers to hide their intentions and actions.
People who have nothing to hide don’t think too much about what they say and they just act “normal”.
Once you start getting fewer thoughts and plans from someone who normally was open to you, then it’s happening for a reason.
It’s either you stopped asking and caring or they stopped caring enough about you to share.
Only you could figure out which is your case.
And the last thing you should do is switch to interrogation mode.
Forcing someone to answer your questions only makes you seem needier and not only will your behavior repulse your partner, but it will also make them act vaguer.
Be smart.
15. They’re Always Unhappy with You
You don’t need to wait until someone’s miserable to consider monkey-branching.
A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that as long as the partner is staying, then things are fine.
But again, they don’t understand that most relationships end months and sometimes even years before couples physically separate.
If someone’s unhappy with you and you’re not getting their basic needs met, then you’re already too late.
If you’re not being proactive about maintaining a strong bond, then you’re already losing.
If you wait until things go bad for you to react, then your relationship has already taken a hit.
Most relationship problems are solved by never even existing.
Now, you could have been trying to make someone happy and it’s hasn’t been working.
In this case, you need to evaluate your approach.
If you’re being too accommodating to make them happy, then it’s exactly the reason why they’re unhappy.
Nobody likes to be with someone who switches up completely and neglects their own selves entirely for the sake of pleasing the other — it’s not worthy of respect.
Always remember that, unless you’re doing something clearly wrong in handling the relationship, you’re not responsible for making someone else happy as a person. It’s their job.
Your job is to enjoy the connection you have with them while making life easier for both of you. If it’s not working at all, then maybe you need to think about why you’re still together.
How to Deal with Monkey-Branching
1. Consistently Flirt & Have Fun with Your Partner
This is a proactive solution:
If your relationship is fun and fulfilling, nobody will consider monkey-branching.
Most people fail to consistently date and flirt with their partners after a couple of months.
They think the honeymoon phase is over because the initial excitement and mystery are gone.
But that’s not true.
Yes, the mystery will fade, but the consistent flirting, intimacy and exciting experiences add to the relationship and make it more valuable and fun.
So when the default state of a connection is based on contentment, nobody will want to leave.
If you’re proactively being a great partner, your relationship will have fewer problems from day 1 and have more reasons to sustain itself should problems come your way.
2. Communicate Seeing the Problem
Communication is crucial for any relationship to work, and it matters when things are going great and when things aren’t.
Sometimes you need to sit down with someone you care about and let them know when things aren’t going well, and other times, you have to not say anything at all to not jump to conclusions too quickly and end up making yourself look clingy.
Don’t communicate unless there is a need to communicate.
And how you go about communicating a problem makes a huge difference — it’s not the words you say, it’s how you say it.
There are two ways you can tell someone that their behavior is becoming unacceptable. You can either be angry at them and then communicate your concerns out of frustration…
Or…
You could let them know, in a very calm manner, that they’re behaving in a way that doesn’t match both of your standards, and if things stay this way, then they’ll have to find someone else who is okay with their behavior.
One is desperate and needy, the other commands respect and is mature.
Your role as a great partner is to be constructive with your approach to your other partner if you want them to be great as well.
3. Find New & More Options
Let’s say you know how to find options and date new people whenever you like…
Let’s also say you know how to build awesome relationships and how to navigate difficulties maturely as an awesome partner to be with…
Would you really care that much if someone decides to leave?
If you can find and keep an attractive and cool person, is losing someone really going to devastate you?
If one girl monkey-branches to a richer guy who is going to give her what she thinks she wants, is your life going to be over?
If a guy decides monkey-branching is a better solution than being a mature person who will give you what you want in a relationship, would you even want to stay with him?
Probably not.
But what if you had one person your entire dating life and have no skills to find another, how would you handle losing them?
Much different.
This is why having options puts you in the best position you can be in the dating world.
Options give you power and freedom.
The more options you get, the more “yourself” you can be around others, the less BS you’re forced to deal with when dealing with people who don’t meet your standards, and the more people get attracted to you.
Having success finding options teaches you that you never need to settle for less than what you need.
4. Understand When to Leave
People can compromise a lot to try to fix relationships they have no business fixing.
They wait and hope their bond magically changes to what it once was when it made them happy.
Changes can only be made when certain problems are new or minor and both sides want to change.
If one person wants to fix the connection and the other doesn’t have the right intentions to move forward, then it’s a waste of time.
You can’t fix a relationship alone, no matter how great, loving, and kind you are.
When you see more than one sign of monkey-branching popping off, you have to let go of the relationship you think you want — the one in your expectations and hopes.
You always need to evaluate your connection based on what’s real.
What’s right in front of you.
When your gut tells you it’s not working, then it’s probably not working.
If one of you is dissatisfied with the other and you know that no matter how hard you try, nothing is enough or works, then it’s only fair for you both to go on your separate ways.
Don’t be afraid of leaving.
Focus On Yourself
If you want to be happy in a relationship, you have to focus on yourself first.
You have to know what you want, be able to make someone else happy, and set the boundaries and standards accordingly.
You cannot change what others want or do, nor should you try.
Always accept the truth for what it is.
If someone wants to be with you, don’t take it for granted or take their word for it, enjoy the connection with them as much as you can.
If they ever monkey-branch one day, cool, accept the truth that they don’t want to be with you, let them go where they want to be, and find another option who wants what you want.
