Family life is a daily work, and if at the beginning of the relationship there is enough passion and love, then over time, everyday issues, problems, routine can destroy any marriage… Many married men, at a certain point in their lives together, begin to experience a condition that psychologists call “emotional divorce.” They become irritable, cling to every word, and are dissatisfied with everything possible—your figure, your culinary skills, and even the way you hold a fork… It is during this period that cheating begins, constant delays at work, and active spending time with friends.
1. He criticizes almost everything you do.
“When we are in love, we easily forgive our partner for their minor imperfections,” says Dr. Debra Campbell. We don’t pay much attention to the fact that our partner forgot to turn off the light before leaving or didn’t water our flowers, which is why they withered. All this seems like life’s little things: it’s a daily thing!
But over time, love fades, giving way to a deeper and calmer feeling. It is during this period that various shortcomings “emerge” that you simply did not notice before. And here it is important to pay attention to the partner’s dissatisfaction in time and try to resolve the conflict or misunderstanding that has arisen.
2. The desire to isolate oneself from you becomes the norm.
Another sign of a cooling relationship is the desire to isolate yourself. You start to feel from time to time that a wall has arisen between you and your partner: your questions are not answered or are answered briefly and dryly.
“This condition usually occurs as a result of a quarrel: a person becomes so upset that he or she withdraws into their feelings,” says family therapist Laura Heck. If your showdown ends with your partner (or you) suddenly going silent, take a break—about 20 minutes. Just calm down. If you don’t resolve the issue constructively in a calmer environment, sooner or later the habit of building an imaginary wall can lead to a very real divorce.
3. He gets very irritated when you don’t fulfill your obligations.
If you’ve failed to do what he asks you to do several times, you can be sure he’s not happy (even if he hasn’t told you). Whetstone notes that in these situations, people usually realize that the only person they can count on is themselves.
They can purposefully observe the fulfillment of each of your promises, and in the process of this observation, they already begin to mentally tear apart the thin threads of your connection. The only way to avoid the risk of a break in relations is to do what you have undertaken. If you are not sure that you will be able to come to dinner at 6 p.m., do not promise: you will save both your nerves and the nerves of your beloved.
4. You stopped having fun together
An important indicator of a happy relationship is the couple’s ability to enjoy spending time together and laughing. If you notice that this has become a chore, think about it.
Dr. Alicia Clark, a psychologist from Washington, reports that cooling of relations can be recognized by short remarks and long silences. At the same time, if your partner is an introvert and such behavior is normal for him or her, it is quite possible that there is nothing to worry about. However, if previously closed behavior was not observed in the partner, this is a reason to pay more attention to each other.
Laughter helps the most. Make each other laugh as much as you can. Laughter helps break down emotional barriers, even if these barriers are caused by mutual grievances and unresolved problems.
5. He avoids heart-to-heart conversations
According to Dr. R. Scott Gornto, lack of communication is one of the most important signs of distance. Even if your partner rolls his eyes or grumbles in response to your words, this is not a problem.
It is worse if your companion shows no interest in what you are saying at all—does not listen or listens distantly, answers briefly and without interest, and generally shows in every possible way that he does not want to keep up the conversation. If you notice such a change in your communication, try to find out what the reason is as soon as possible. And most importantly, outline ways to eliminate the distance between you, no matter what it is caused by.
6. He relies more on other people for support than on you.
Lack of mutual support is not a healthy sign. This does not mean that you should pry into his emotional experiences, but if you notice that your partner gets this emotional support from someone else (mother, aunt, friend, colleague at work), you should be wary.
And the point here, as you guessed, is not that he or she is physically cheating on you with this person. The point is that for some reason they stopped trusting you with serious emotional experiences. Even if his or her experiences are related to your family life and disagreements that you have already discussed, you should at least discuss what you should talk about with your friend and what is better to keep silent about or talk to you personally.
