How is love bombing different from a loving relationship? I mean, how do you even tell the difference? What are the tell signs that suggest to a person they are being love-bombed by their partner? Today’s post will answer all those questions and even more and also bring more clarity so you can make better decisions.
In other words, I will write about love bombing and all there is to discuss this topic. Oftentimes, it is challenging to tell whether or not one’s spouse is a love bomber. This leaves many people confused and uncertain about the fate of their relationship.
Thoughts like, “Are they just into me, or am I actually being lovebomed?” are some of the questions that will flood the minds of such individuals. I cannot help but feel pity for such persons. The truth is, no one deserves to be in such a situation.
What Is Love Bombing And Who Is A Love Bomber?
Is there a difference between a love bomber and an actual or genuine lover? Of course, there is a huge difference between both. In plain terms, the motive is always the distinguishing factor. But sometimes, it may not be easy to tell at the onset of the relationship. So, what then is love bombing?
Love bombing is usually a manipulative move or tactic widely used in the early stages of a romantic relationship, where one person showers the other with attention, excessive affection, and gifts to primarily gain control and create a sense of dependency.
Remember that a few lines earlier, I highlighted that the motive is always what differentiates a love bomber from a genuine lover. Furthermore, their extreme display of affection can feel intoxicating initially. Still, it often has ulterior motives, such as manipulating or controlling the other person for their own gain.
A love Bomber Definition
is one who uses catchy moves like excessive affection, attention, and flattery to control or manipulate their prey mainly. This extraordinary show of admiration and love is often used to create a firm emotional bond as soon as they start talking with you.
This will, in turn, make the other person feel greatly dependent or even unusually connected to them. Usually, once the love bomber has achieved their aim, they begin to control, manipulate, or sometimes even withdraw their attention and affection from the other person.
Hence, this will reveal more abusive or toxic behaviours. Love bombing isn’t gender specific, and it means anyone is capable of love bombing. So, in other words, a man can be love-bombed by a woman and vice versa.
Are All Love Bombers Narcissists?
Are all love bombers narcissists? Well, contrary to popular opinion, not all love bombers are narcissists. However, there is a major overlap between narcissistic traits and love-bombing behaviour. My article, “How To Deal With A Narcissistic Partner,” will offer more insight into how narcissists think, the signs of narcissism in a relationship, and how to deal with a narcissistic partner.
It will interest you to know that narcissists usually use love bombing as a master plan in the early stages of a romantic relationship to win over their target and establish control quickly. Again, it is worth noting that not every individual who takes part in love bombing is a narcissist.
Some may do what they do from a place of insecurity, a sincere desire to please the other person or an erroneous belief that immensely showering a person with love is the only approach to win their love and trust. Lastly, it is worth reminding you that the major difference is the motive or the intent behind the behaviour and the pattern of the following actions, as I stated earlier.
Stages Of Love Bombing
As we have already established, love bombing is a situation that isn’t easy to get out of because one may not know how true someone is until it is too late. Having said that, there are different phases of love bombing. Let’s briefly go through the stages.
1. The Idealisation Phase
In this initial phase, the love bomber showers the target with extreme affection and love to lure their target into their trap. In other words, they will try everything so that you will bring down your walls and accept them. Initially, it may feel good until things go south.
2. The Devaluation Phase
Every love bomber aims to get their target to be comfortable around them by making them let down their guard. However, once you have done that, all sorts of red flags begin to show up on the scene. It won’t be surprising for them to want to control your every move, demand more of your time, and often get angry when you leave them out of your plans.
Furthermore, it is not unusual for the love bomber to want to get you to cut off from your friends and family members. In other words, shifts in behaviours, gaslighting, control, and manipulation are but a few words to describe the character of one who was once an angel to you.
3. The Discard Phase
One of the traits of a love-bombing narcissist is their inability to be accountable. For instance, if you talk to them about their dangerous or unhealthy behaviours or try to set healthy boundaries in the relationship, they will never be accountable for their actions. Instead, they will refuse to change by cooperating or at least meet you halfway.
In such a case, they might threaten to leave the relationship if things do not return to their own “normal.” Sudden withdrawal is one major thing that occurs after such a confrontation takes place between the love bomber and their target.
Other times, without any warning, they may ghost their target or suddenly end things without any explanation to the other person. This often leaves the other person confused and wondering what they did wrong. Other times, the bomber may come back to repeat the cycle to regain control. My advice is to steer clear of such people.
Love Bombing Signs
1. They Give You Needless Gifts
One of the love bombing signs of a love bomber is their ability to shower their target with excessively needless gifts. This can be misleading, especially for a person whose primary love language is receiving gifts. Undoubtedly, they will feel loved and cherished by the love bomber because the gifts received will be viewed as a token of their affection.
As things progress, some recipients of these gifts might feel something is off with the unending grand gestures and extravagant gifts. In some cases, when they make it known to the love bomber that they do not need or want these gifts, they may keep them coming in, choosing to neglect the other person’s opinion.
Meanwhile, in relationships, both partners should listen to each other’s views and please their partners, provided that what they say is healthy and good. Well, that’s not the case for a love bomber. If this has happened to you or is currently happening to you, it is a sign that you are being love-bombed, and it’s a bad time to be in love.
2. They Cannot Stop Complimenting You
Love bombers hide under the guise of different love languages that we know. They usually study their target to understand their primary love language, and once they are done studying them, they then use that against their target.
Complimenting your partner falls under the category of “words of Affirmation.” The love bomber uses this love language to express affection, love, and appreciation through verbal communication.
They understand that such people prefer kind words, compliments, and verbal encouragement to feel valued and loved. And so they do exactly that to captivate their hearts almost immediately after meeting them.
3. They Want Your Undivided Attention
This may seem like a harmless or genuine move until you take a closer look at it. Most times, many of their moves are subtle. Wanting your partner’s undivided attention is something we encourage often and may sound romantic in the ears of many. However, underneath all that sweetness is an unhealthy and evil desire.
If they always want your undivided attention despite you being there for them most of the time, it can be suggestive that you are with a love bomber. Such persons do not mind having you all alone to themselves. And they might do this by isolating you from friends and family members. It’s all a part of their master plan.
4. They Try To Tell You You Are Soulmates
I mean, who does that? How do you tell someone you barely know or are just getting to know that they are your soul mate? Love bombers will do anything they can to gain control over you. Trust me, they can devise different schemes to ensure they get you. For instance, they might tell you after a few meetings that they had a dream that you are their soulmate and you should marry them.
Some of their frequently used lines are, “We are soulmates,” “You understand me better than anyone,” “We were born to be together,” and “It’s fate that we met.” Smooth lines, right? I need to balance this quickly. This in no way means that whenever a person says anything I listed above to you, they are love bombers. It is always good to consider the context.
5. They Want Commitment And Want It Now
It’s going to take a lot of love to get someone to commit right away. Very few times do people meet and want to commit almost immediately. Well, for a love bomber, that isn’t unusual. They typically want to rush you into a commitment because of their shared dream of the future. Remember what we discussed in point 4? Yeah, it’s kind of on that same trajectory.
However, I do know that genuine connection cannot be faked, nor can it be rushed. That means real relationships will take time to nurture or develop before they mature into something beautiful.
There are stages in life, and skipping one stage and moving on to the next can have some detrimental effects on the parties involved. In as much as when you meet someone you really like, there is this desire to begin a life with them, it is advised to know each other more before finally committing. And wanting to commit right away is a red flag. Chances are they are up to something fishy.
6. They Get Upset When You Place Boundaries
Why should anyone get upset when their partner puts boundaries in place in a relationship? That itself should notify you that something isn’t quite right. There are numerous fantastic reasons why spouses are advised to set boundaries. They are essential for maintaining a respectful, healthy, and fulfilling relationship. However, a love bomber will get upset when their partner decides to put boundaries in place.
Additionally, boundaries help promote emotional safety, and this is the number one thing a love bomber doesn’t wish for their target. So, through their diverse schemes, they will ensure you do not set boundaries because that will give them a free pass. For a love bomber, a relationship isn’t about fostering healthy dependency or encouraging growth.
So, if you notice any of these things from your partner when you mention sticking to your boundaries or putting them in place, you might be in a relationship with a love bomber. One thing you should have at the back of your mind is that anyone who loves you, I mean genuinely loves you, will respect your views. Healthy relationships are built on respect.
7. They Are Overly Needy
Being needy in a romantic relationship isn’t entirely or inherently bad. But it does depend on the context and the manner in which those needs are expressed and, of course, met. For a love bomber, no matter how much time you give them, it is never enough.
It is like they want you all to themselves and want to be the centre of your world. Love bomb manipulation can come in any form. They may try to get you to think that you neglected them.
But in such moments, it is wise to ask yourself, “Did I indeed neglect my partner?” On the contrary, if you neglect your friends because of their excessive complaints, you are treading on a dangerous path, my dear friend. While being needy is not wrong, being overly needy can be an issue.
8. They Want Constant Validation
I know that wanting validation from one’s spouse is a natural human need, but when a person constantly seeks that, it can harm the relationship and personal growth.
One of the side effects of continuously validating a love bomber is that you may experience relationship burnout. The other person will feel drained, suffocated, and resentful by the constant need for validation from the love bomber.
Despite how much you genuinely shower them with compliments, it is never enough for a love bomber. One thing is sure: they will keep coming back for more, and as I said earlier, this will inevitably lead to you experiencing relationship burnout.
On a deeper level, this need for constant reassurance is primarily rooted in their insecurity and fragile self-esteem. Also, this means they depend on you to affirm them. That sounds like a whole lot to me, and it sure is.
9. Excessively Following Your Whereabouts
Remember, we discussed earlier how love bombing is about intense control by the love bomber on their target. Well, here you have it! With the love bomber, everything is on the extreme side, and nothing is done in moderation. And it will also interest you to know that the essence of doing everything is to control you for their own needs.
Part of their master plan when it comes to controlling you is to know your whereabouts. In other words, they desire to know your every move. However, it is very normal and healthy to spend time apart in a relationship, but it won’t be so if you are dating a love bomber.
Remember that with the love bomber, everything is always opposite from the healthy ways things ought to be done. So, just in case you notice your partner always wants to know where you are, when you will be home, or who you are with, it is suggestive of the fact that you are in a relationship with a love bomber.
10. Never Take Responsibility For Previous Relationships
In one of the points discussed earlier, I briefly pointed out the fact that they are never ready to take responsibility for anything. Well, that also includes never taking responsibility for their previous relationships.
In other words, another love bombing red flag to watch out for is their refusal to own up to past mistakes in their earlier relationships or talking negatively or poorly about past relationships.
To the love bomber, it will always be the other person’s fault for anything that goes wrong and never theirs. So, they will do everything within their power to portray themselves as the saints and the other person as the devil in their stories about their past relationships. Do not be amazed if they call the other person “abusive” even though, in reality, they were the abusive or crazy ones.
How To Heal From Being Love-Bombed
You might feel absolutely embarrassed that you fell for the love bomber, but it is also vital to remember that it wasn’t your fault. Anyone could have fallen for them, too.
However, it is highly essential to remember that in most cases like this, healing starts at the point of forgiving yourself. It can also be difficult because you might need to confront many things you might have chosen to forget about. But in the end, it is for the good of it all.
Firstly, it is okay to acknowledge what happened and validate your feelings. Feeling hurt, betrayed, and confused are feelings that accompany such moments, and accepting these emotions as a valid part of your healing process is an excellent place to start.
As much as you can, create distance between you and the person who love-bombed you. There is no harm in choosing to limit contact and set boundaries to protect yourself from further manipulation.
Additionally, it is essential to reflect on the relationship and the patterns of manipulation. Why? This will help you quickly avoid falling into something similar and rebuild your self-esteem. The reason is that love bombing can usually damage a person’s self-worth.
Also, seeking support from trusted friends and family members and going for therapy is wise, and do not forget to practice self-care. My article “50 Self-care Ideas for a Bad Day” will significantly help you.
Lastly, please educate yourself on the subject matter, allow yourself to heal, avoid rushing into new relationships, learn to trust yourself again, consider professional guidance, and prioritise moving forward with intent.
Beginning your journey of recovery with these steps is an excellent choice. I must state that it may take some time, but trusting the process is vital, and the fact that you will be okay in the end, too. And always remember that moving at your own pace isn’t such a bad idea.
Why Is Love Bombing So Dangerous?
Having read this article to this point, you’d understand that love bombing is a terrible act because it primarily involves extreme forms of manipulation that can have devastating emotional and long-term psychological effects on the targeted person. Most of the time, the victims usually have this in their minds after such events: “What is love?” Can you blame them for asking that?
Anyway, here are a few other reasons why love bombing is harmful. It involves the destabilisation of boundaries and emotional manipulations. Furthermore, it is a cycle of abuse that undermines the target’s self-esteem, isolates the target from support systems, distorts reality, prevents personal growth in most cases, leads to toxic relationships, and hinders one’s ability to recognise red flags.
What Are Some Signs That You Are The Love Bomber?
Many times, people do not know that they are the love bombers. Writing poems, sending flowers, and other beautiful gestures can seem sweet until things go south, and you find yourself acting weirdly to gain control over the other person.
However, if you realise that you are the love bomber, it means you are a step in the right direction toward a healthier relationship, should you seek help to change. So, if you notice any of the points discussed as love bombing signs in this post, it is vital to slow down, reflect on your motives, work on your self-esteem, and seek professional help.
FINALLY…
Recognising and understanding love bombing signs and their dangers is vital for one’s guidance against such. We hope you will get to make more informed decisions after reading this post.
Remember that if your partner undermines your autonomy in your relationship, that’s not a healthy move. And we at Relationship & Life are all about helping healthy relationships improve. So, for more articles like this, kindly click here.
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